Your worst profanity...without swearing!

[Johanthemonster666]

When I'm being politically incorrect(as a joke, in reality I'm too politically correct), I often come across as the worst person ever to strangers who overhear me.

"Omg, so-and-so's mom almost got flattened by a tree??!!"

My response without flinching: "That's impossible, trees don't grow in kitchens" *sees all the women in the restaurant giving me death glares*

I don't usually do come backs or bother with people who are trying to pick a fight, but I did say some pretty bad stuff to an ex-fling/his friend (which I won't repeat).

 

[GrinningManiac]

Oh, Grow UP you lumbering, pathetic excuse for a boil-covered camel's arse

I want to explain why what you just said was so stupidly, stupidly wrong, but I think that you'd struggle with the words I'd use. Words like "The" and "This" and "Your Backside". Y'know, big words used by clever people.

 

[thedoclc]

You fail at life; find a shotgun, give it a kiss, and quit.

 

[Pipotchi]

Peas and Rice!

Always funny

 

[Scott Guthrie]

your just jealous because your homeworks a dogs dinner!!!

(best one I've ever heard)

 

[asgardmothership]

"You cock juggling thunder ****". A friend of mine came up with it and I've borrowed it a few times.

If I'm not mistaken your friend got that particular insult from Blade: Trinity, where one of the main characters has a slanging match with a vampire.

OT: Prince Albert once gave one of the strongest insults possible to a potential assasin of the Queen, he called him:

"A thorough scamp!"

I apologise, even on this quite liberal website, I know that phrase is unaccepable, I fully expect to be put on probation, maybe even suspension.
*looks carefully around for floating hammer*

 

[HT_Black]

I'd insult you, but that would be shaming the name of the lowest common denominator.
What? You don't get it? Then how about you try something else? I think you'd like Eragon; it seems to match your abilities.

And, a classic from down home:
"I wouldn't piss down yer throat if yew was on fire."

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

'You aging, Brilliantine stick insect!'

I actually have it on a shirt ... from the show 'Fawlty Towers'.

Doesn't make much sense if the person doesn't have a beard, but what the hey <.<

 

[Reynard Wrecce]

I once made a boy in my class cry. I didn't shout or swear, I just sat down next to him and told him, quietly and very precisely, in front of his friends, why his vile and attention-seeking behaviour was going to destroy everything for him at every stage of his life, and how every choice he was making would lead him to prison, drugs, or loneliness.
Hey, don't look at me like that - he made a student teacher cry first!

Also - 'custard'. You say it, it sounds like a rather quaint minced oath along the lines of 'fudge' or 'poot'. Only you know that you're combining c*** and b****** to delicious effect.

 

[VicunaBlue]

You're a Nugget!

 

[Buizel91]

This has to be one of the funniest threads ever XD everyone sounds about 5 =P

And i have quite a few =D

"Sweaty Wilderbeats"

"Retarded Seal"

And "Stupid [insert Fruit/Vegetable here]"

 

[Mighty Lighty]

You cretinous man-child

 

[Buizel91]

'You aging, Brilliantine stick insect!'<

I think i love you <3 i love that show

 

[MrNickster]

You astonishing, voluminous, vacuous git!

 

[Westaway]

your mother was on 16 and pregnant

 

[ShakerSilver]

"FOOLISH FOOL!"
"You Fire trUCK head!"

That's all I got.

 

[Skeptic]

Fuck me if I'll ever understand that. I've always found this kind of covert swearing utterly hypocritical. I mean, by using your stupid pseudoswears you convey the same idea you would have by uttering a regular swear, but somehow you're polite if you say "nincompoop" instead of "cretin" or "asshole" or any other fine word our languages might have.

To all of you respected ladies and gentlemen I have but one thing to say: "Go flip yourself, you motherflippin' nincopoops!" You know what I mean, you fucking assholes.

 

[fgdfgdgd]

"You sack bellied strumpet"

Oh yeah!