Am I Really the Minority When it Comes to Sex?

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Jake the Snake

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You are not alone. I too don't understand the almost mystical pedestal sex is put on by teenagers. Obviously it's fun, but it shouldn't be the focus of your relationship. That sounds very empty and sad to me personally. I generally like just spending time with my girlfriend, sure I want sex, but I also want it to be special. The person themselves should always be more important than the sex. You can have sex with anyone. It's the personality that makes someone special :) (I know that sounds clichéd but there is some truth to it)
 

JIst00

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AccursedTheory said:
Because sex feels good and the average teenager is biologically compelled to bang. Why is that so hard to understand?
Pretty much this.

As a teenager, whether ur aware of it or not, ur a seething mass of hormones which instruct u to put it in as many girls as possible. Thats just how we're built. Although hormone level differs from person to person.
 

acosn

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Yes. Combine the hyper-sexualized society we live in, the body's natural hormones at puberty and a general curiosity towards the unknown plus the general regard that loosing your virginity is a right of passage and you start to see why everyone is in a rush to have it.
 

Mookie_Magnus

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The main reason I want to have sex, is because the person that I want to have sex with loves me. And I love them in return.

We want to be able to show each other how much we love each other... And the simplest ways are usually the best ways to get a message across.
 

CrimsonStrife

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sky14kemea said:
I'm 18 and I still haven't even had my first kiss. xD

I guess you could say I'm waiting. You could also say I don't really have a sex drive so it's the least of my priorities right now. :/

I doubt I'll ever have it at this rate. \o/ I'm going for the 40 year old virgin route.
I'll be turning 20 in December and I just recently had my first kiss...I'm pretty sure I've found the person I want to spend my life with...and she definitely seems to feel the same. But we are both waiting. It's just not time yet.
 

Sniper Team 4

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Julianking93 said:
A question I've been dwelling over for some time now. I'm sure we all have noticed the growing promiscuity of teenagers and I'm just wondering, why? Why is sex something that is sought out so much after by any means? It seems like average teen just wants to have sex as soon as possible and doesn't matter who it's with.

Now I'm not saying everyone is like this, just it seems that a lot of people (at least where I live) are.

I've never really been one for the whole sex thing. It's not that I'm gay, don't care or asexual even, I just want to wait for someone I love before I have sex. After reading a few studies and surveys showing that the average person loses their virginity between 15 -17, I can't help wonder if I'm really the only one who wants to wait or if I'm just missing out on it by being so uptight.

Now I will admit that I had sex once in my life. It ended horribly and I deeply regret because I was in love with the girl and it turned out, she didn't even remotely feel the same about me and I'm wondering if I'm the only one who feels it would be best to wait.

Please note that my feelings towards sex has absolutely nothing to do with any religious beliefs. I'm also not saying there should be a certain age or you should wait till marriage. Just until you're actually in love. Not the bullshit that teenagers feel when they like someone, but actual love.

So, Escapist, what are your thoughts on this? Am I just being uptight when it comes to the subject or am I in the right for thinking this?
Nice to know I'm not the only person who thinks this way. Still a virgin because of it, though there have been difficult "tests".
 

TermOfEndearment

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Currently in a committed relationship. I was fairly promiscuous back in high school. Currently only have sex with one person and I feel the same way about it as I did when I was 14.

Sex is just sex. It's a physical activity that is fun for both parties (at least it can and should be!). Having sex with someone you love is definitely better and more enjoyable. But the old adage "Sex is like pizza. When its good its good. When its bad its good." is completely true.
 

BonsaiK

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Julianking93 said:
So, Escapist, what are your thoughts on this? Am I just being uptight when it comes to the subject or am I in the right for thinking this?
People choose to have sex for many reasons, including but not limited to:

* They are in love with someone and want to express it physically
* They think they are in love with someone and want to express it physically
* They like someone else and want to show it
* They just want to have some fun and it feels good
* They want to start a family
* They want to experience physical closeness to combat loneliness
* They don't really want to do it all but are experiencing peer pressure
* To find out what it's like, to have new and interesting experiences
* To make money

People choose to abstain from sex for many reasons, including but not limited to:

* Religious beliefs ("no sex before marriage" etc)
* Cultural norms and rules (the idea that sex is "special" and should be reserved for true love, etc)
* Concerns over potential pregnancy
* Concerns regarding the spread of STDs
* Not finding anyone who they like enough to want to do it with
* Not finding anyone who they can trust enough to be physically close to
* Asexuality
* Trauma or distaste from bad past experiences

It doesn't matter what you believe, it's not really possible to be "right or wrong" in this scenario. What you choose is up to you. What others choose is up to them. Do what you wish, and at the same time, try not to judge others for their choices.
 

zehydra

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AHA! The very fact that you had a negative experience with sex will explain why you're not overly eager for it.
 

DarkDain

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Julianking93 said:
A question I've been dwelling over for some time now. I'm sure we all have noticed the growing promiscuity of teenagers and I'm just wondering, why? Why is sex something that is sought out so much after by any means? It seems like average teen just wants to have sex as soon as possible and doesn't matter who it's with.

Now I'm not saying everyone is like this, just it seems that a lot of people (at least where I live) are.

I've never really been one for the whole sex thing. It's not that I'm gay, don't care or asexual even, I just want to wait for someone I love before I have sex. After reading a few studies and surveys showing that the average person loses their virginity between 15 -17, I can't help wonder if I'm really the only one who wants to wait or if I'm just missing out on it by being so uptight.

Now I will admit that I had sex once in my life. It ended horribly and I deeply regret because I was in love with the girl and it turned out, she didn't even remotely feel the same about me and I'm wondering if I'm the only one who feels it would be best to wait.

Please note that my feelings towards sex has absolutely nothing to do with any religious beliefs. I'm also not saying there should be a certain age or you should wait till marriage. Just until you're actually in love. Not the bullshit that teenagers feel when they like someone, but actual love.

So, Escapist, what are your thoughts on this? Am I just being uptight when it comes to the subject or am I in the right for thinking this?
Sex sells, and many times that means selling yourself or being left behind in the dating world for many. Most people dont believe statistics but last i read, teens who are sexually active are way more likely to be depressed, and i think suicide was the #1 killer of teenagers? Or was it accidents? Stupid accidents count as suicide maybe? Either way, stupid relationships probably a leading cause of the depression, or just worsens it.
 

Snotnarok

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I'm asexual, honestly never cared about the whole sex thing, just wasn't something that interested me. Had my rounds and just said "fuck, this isn't what people were hyping it up to be".
 

Kuilui

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You know I never understood the fascination with sex, I'm 20 btw and have never done it or even had a date. Maybe I'm just a weird dude I don't know. I am attracted to women and only women just for the record here but when I see girls in public. I will think to myself shes cute or you know things like that if she is. However I don't care to date at all like zero interest and sex appeals even less to me. I feel like a bit of a weirdo because I see a lot of other guys wanting it so bad and I just stare at them confused. I feel a bit bad to about it because I'm an only child, so its like..Family name and all that. Eh who knows maybe I'll change as I get older or something.
 

JUMBO PALACE

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Seems to me like your bad experience with sex has turned you off (no pun intended) to the whole idea of sex. I'm 18 and have regular sex with my girlfriend. Let's be honest, sex is great. Once you experience sex with someone you really care about who feels the same way about you, and do it SAFELY then you'll know why so many people like sex. Or maybe they're just horny teenagers who want to get off. That's pretty common anyway.
 

JUMBO PALACE

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Kuilui said:
You know I never understood the fascination with sex, I'm 20 btw and have never done it or even had a date. Maybe I'm just a weird dude I don't know. I am attracted to women and only women just for the record here but when I see girls in public. I will think to myself shes cute or you know things like that if she is. However I don't care to date at all like zero interest and sex appeals even less to me. I feel like a bit of a weirdo because I see a lot of other guys wanting it so bad and I just stare at them confused. I feel a bit bad to about it because I'm an only child, so its like..Family name and all that. Eh who knows maybe I'll change as I get older or something.
Don't feel like a weirdo bud. I was the same way as you. I didn't understand at all why sex was such a big deal until I finally met my girlfriend and we ended up doing the deed. Once you've done it you'll realize the appeal. But on that note, don't rush into something you're not ready for. Make sure it's what you really want before throwing away your V-card.

Sorry about double post.
 

Paksenarrion

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Curiosity. Teens are immersed in sexual messages all the time. I regret my first time; I was just like you before I fell. I thought saving myself for that special someone made sense. Instead, I felt rushed and pressured; I was under the impression that I needed to have sex in order to keep the relationship going. And it was my mistake. Make sure the other person feels as strongly as you do, and doesn't just see you as...as...as practice.

Now, I just feel like a whore. You can't imagine the self-loathing that overcomes me whenever I don't distract myself with work, or games, or books. Sometimes, they don't even help. I have yet to turn to drugs and alcohol to get away from myself, but I know that will only lead to more promiscuity.

I wish I could cleanse my body with fire, and start anew.

...or some sort of intergalactic bug war. I just want to kill and kill and be killed. I don't want to think anymore.
 

magnuslion

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Julian,

you are definitely in a minority. and frankly, I applaud you for it.

as to why teens want to have sex, its pretty much the same reason teens want to do anything: Because mindless, idiotic, pointless adults are constantly honking at them like a flock of particularly dim and lost geese: "DONT HAVE SEX!! DONT HAVE SEX!!!!".


meanwhile, pop culture has made sex big, important and cool. Joe Cool says: "If you aren't having sex, you are not one of the cool kids!"

Is it stupid? Absolutely. If you do anything a camel in sunglasses tells you too, you should be immediately scheduled for some sort of surgery to prevent you from spreading your idiot genes to another generation.

But it is true. these two forces, conservative adults and liberal media, are responsible for creating a polarity that drives kids to drinking, drugs, sex, etc. These two forces are just as responsible for teen pregnancy as the teens themselves.

now, what should we do about it?

The hell if I know. Im going to go watch some ZP and try not to think about before I go out and simultaneously murder a republican governor and the lady that wrote those twilight books. >.<
 

cappp

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Julianking93 said:
So, Escapist, what are your thoughts on this? Am I just being uptight when it comes to the subject or am I in the right for thinking this?
I think it's interesting to throw some numbers in the discussion. The usual statistical caveats obviously apply, indeed there's probably more than the usual deception in responders, so consider the following with all due suspicion.

The CDC compiled their <url=http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/ad/ad362.pdf>Sexual Behavior and Selected Health Measures: Men and Women 15-44 Years of Age, United States, 2002 study which gives a lot of information. Among other things the study notes that:


Counting vaginal intercourse, oral sex, and anal sex, 10 percent of males 15-44 years of age had never had sex in their lives, 6 percent had had sex with a female partner in their lives but not in the last 12 months, 63 percent had one female partner in the last 12 months, and 18 percent had two or more female partners in that period. Among females 15-44 years of age, 8 percent had never had sex, 7 percent had had sex with a male partner in their lives but not in the last 12 months, 68 percent had one male partner in the last 12 months, and 14 percent had two or more
Among adult males 25-44 years of age, 97 percent have had sexual contact with an opposite-sex partner in their lives; 97 percent have had vaginal intercourse, 90 percent have had oral sex with a female, and 40 percent have had anal sex with a female. Among women, the proportions who have had sexual contact with an opposite-sex partner were similar,

That being said a different <url=http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_024FactSheet.pdf>CDC report from the same year stated that
Teens in 2002 are delaying sex until older ages compared to 1995.
Teens are also using contraception more often, compared to 1995 data.
Among younger female teens (aged 15-17) , the percent who ever had sex declined from 38 in 1995 to 30 in 2002.
Among male teens, the percent who ever had sex declined from 55 in 1995 to 46 in 2002.

The Freakonomics blog at the New York Times site found that
In 2007, the virgin percentage was still holding at 52 percent.

There's an older <url=http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_019.pdf#table%2023>CDC study that can put those numbers in perspective:

About 50 percent of teenagers 15-19 years of age reported that they had ever had sexual intercourse in 1995(table 19) compared with 55 percent in 1990, 53 percent in 1988 and 47 percent in 1982 (23). The difference between 1990 and 1995 approaches statistical significance and is consistent with the downward trend in the teen birth rate between 1990 and 1995. The percent of teens 15-17 years of age who had ever had intercourse was 33 percent in 1982, 38 percent in 1988, and 38 percent in 1995. For teens 18-19 years of age, these figures were 64 percent in 1982, 74 percent in 1988, and 70 percent in 1995


There's an article on Time - which <url=http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,878002,00.html>notes that:
Kinsey's 1953 survey of some 5,600 white women disclosed that 3% were nonvirgins at age 15, and 23% had had premarital intercourse by the time they were 21. By contrast, Zelnik and Kantner report [1972] that of the 3,132 whites in their sample, 11% of the 15-year-olds were nonvirgins, and 40% of all the girls had lost their virginity by the age of 20.
 

atombeast707

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virgin speaking: i personally would like to get losing my virginity over with because i realize that its gonna suck my first time, and from then on out get better. i don't hold my first time in a high regard. although we will see what happens when i get into an actual relationship.
 

arsenicCatnip

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magnuslion said:
Julian,

you are definitely in a minority. and frankly, I applaud you for it.

as to why teens want to have sex, its pretty much the same reason teens want to do anything: Because mindless, idiotic, pointless adults are constantly honking at them like a flock of particularly dim and lost geese: "DONT HAVE SEX!! DONT HAVE SEX!!!!".


meanwhile, pop culture has made sex big, important and cool. Joe Cool says: "If you aren't having sex, you are not one of the cool kids!"

Is it stupid? Absolutely. If you do anything a camel in sunglasses tells you too, you should be immediately scheduled for some sort of surgery to prevent you from spreading your idiot genes to another generation.

But it is true. these two forces, conservative adults and liberal media, are responsible for creating a polarity that drives kids to drinking, drugs, sex, etc. These two forces are just as responsible for teen pregnancy as the teens themselves.

now, what should we do about it?

The hell if I know. Im going to go watch some ZP and try not to think about before I go out and simultaneously murder a republican governor and the lady that wrote those twilight books. >.<
I applaud you, sir. And giggle a bit.

Julian, you're definitely not alone. However, I think I took it from another perspective.

I had sex for the first time when I was 16, and I don't regret it. I've had a few partners in my time, and it's never been a huge deal to me... sex is just fun. Teenagers are all curious about it, but it was never like "OMG MUST GO BANG SOMETHING", at least in my head.

Sex is just... that. When you're with someone you love, it's a bonding experience (as well as an exploration of yourself and the person you're with). Otherwise, it's kinda meaningless but still a good time.