Am I Really the Minority When it Comes to Sex?

[ObsessiveSketch]

It's the ol' debate between:

A)"Wait til you find somebody you truly love, but since you have no experience with sex it'll suck, possibly scarring either of you for life."

B)"Have sex with someone you think you love early, but it doesn't work out. You now have the mental/physical prep to rock your true lover's world, but you tossed your virginity away."

 

[Brad Shepard]

While all my friends wanted to have sex non stop, i believe that you shoul wait untel you find the right person, someone you trust, not someone who is willing to let you put it in there or vice versa.

I waited untel i found someone i love with my whole being, and it was great, but thats just me, ive always been known as "the weird guy." and i was called gay for a long time because i believed this, i like in a Semi Backwater town, so yea...

 

[floppylobster]

A question I've been dwelling over for some time now. I'm sure we all have noticed the growing promiscuity of teenagers and I'm just wondering, why? Why is sex something that is sought out so much after by any means? It seems like average teen just wants to have sex as soon as possible and doesn't matter who it's with.

Now I'm not saying everyone is like this, just it seems that a lot of people (at least where I live) are.

I've never really been one for the whole sex thing. It's not that I'm gay, don't care or asexual even, I just want to wait for someone I love before I have sex. After reading a few studies and surveys showing that the average person loses their virginity between 15 -17, I can't help wonder if I'm really the only one who wants to wait or if I'm just missing out on it by being so uptight.

Now I will admit that I had sex once in my life. It ended horribly and I deeply regret because I was in love with the girl and it turned out, she didn't even remotely feel the same about me and I'm wondering if I'm the only one who feels it would be best to wait.

Please note that my feelings towards sex has absolutely nothing to do with any religious beliefs. I'm also not saying there should be a certain age or you should wait till marriage. Just until you're actually in love. Not the bullshit that teenagers feel when they like someone, but actual love.

So, Escapist, what are your thoughts on this? Am I just being uptight when it comes to the subject or am I in the right for thinking this?

I was certainly very nervous about having it when I was a teenager and that never really went away. It's definitely soooo much better when you're doing it with someone you love and more importantly - trust. But I've found it has lost its appeal to me the older I get so if you're going to have it, and enjoy it, make sure you don't wait too long.

I don't smoke, drink beer or coffee and people are always going on about how great those things are. But I don't miss them. So I guess if you're not into it, don't force it. But remember - you wouldn't be alive today if there wasn't something to it.

 

[TheTim]

Its our damn hormones man.

but sex is so great you don't even know.

 

[Royta]

Sometimes I want to join the masses, but after dating like crazy for a while I found out it just wasn't me. It will come eventually and I really prefer to wait for someone I really care about.
I've had a couple of GF's, but got bored with it after a month or two.
I'm almost 21 and I can't say I feel incomplete. I'm happy about it.

What I do hate though is how it has become a public thing. Even in arguments with slightly less intelligent beings (lol) it is used as an argument. "Yeah but you never had sex before, so you have no life".
What logic is that? Fact is. It's just another luxery to show off with. Like a nice jacket or a expensive bag. Atleast for the kids that are so hyped about it.

That and the biology thingy ;p

 

[darkorion69]

People want to have sex because it is a natural biological drive. Teenagers are new to the hormonal intensity of the quickening of their biological drives to reproduce. They want to answer those biological drives and reproduce. It does not necessarily have anything to do with the romantic notion of loving their sexual partner.

Imho, the notion of love as a prerequisite for sex stems from a combination of sexual repression and romanticizing the unknown (and supposedly taboo) realm of sexuality.

I think parents are just trying to delay the question as long as possible, preferably until they don't have to confront it with their teenagers. Thus we are instilled with sexual hesitance (or sexual fears.)

Once the fear (repression) is solidly in place, parents say the silver lining is that you can have it...when you are X age...when you are totally in love...or when you are no longer living in my house...when you are married.

In the end, sexual limitations just seem to be morals derived to prevent the social/emotional complications and many potential consequences (deemed negative) of teenage sexual activity. Of course, we dress it up in pretty pictures and elegant phraseology so we think we are just 'helping our kids'...but it is entirely possible we are only stunting their natural sexual evolution.

 

[Biosophilogical]

I'm Atheist, but I do share views with some religions. Like muslims frowning upon alcohol, or the idea of waiting to have sex until you are in a relationship where you are prepared to deal with the consequences of children (similar to the catholic church's stance on sex within marriage I guess). So no, you are not alone, and my opinion isn't soured by an emotionally distresing prior experience (or any prior experience for that matter), I just happen to be able to think without the use of my penis.

In truth, I think that not only do people not comprehend or accept the responsibility that comes with sex (at my age anyway), or treat it as something emotional (rather than just physical), but they also seem to think it is necessary for a relationship to have fun. I mean, what is wrong with enjoying the simple things, like fairy floss and ballons. Its like, they get up one morning, instantly despise anything which can be in any way child-ish, and are controlled by urges to separate themselves from the pre-adolescent community, despite the fact that they clearly are not ready for the responsibility that comes with being an adult.

I may or may not have strong views about this topic <.<

EDIT: Oh, and also, society was once in a state where sex at 16 was considered normal, as having children at that age was accepted and expected, and yet, society has clearly changed, making us independant and mature at a later age (after we finish apprenticeshps and university courses and stuff) but the age of sexual activity has not altered enough to relfect the society that it affects.

 

[rddj623]

Lots of people, both young and old, both virgins and not, feel the way you do. Lots of other people don't feel the way you do.

Either way, it should not matter to anyone how you feel about something so personal.

Wow...much more eloquent then what I was thinking but exactly what I was thinking This ^^

 

[Joshroom]

I don't know how it is with girls but for guys, especially with some of the people I used to hang with back in high school, it was a huge status thing. The guys who already had were like the alphas of the group, and if you had a girlfriend and hadn't they were all like "what are you doin, bang that girl already!"

Yea, I hung with a bunch of jerks at high school. I'm glad to say though that I didn't cave into their bloody peer pressure and, even though we did sleep together eventually, that was only when we were ready to.

So, meandered off the point there, I was just saying that for guys it really is a pressure thing to hurry up and lose your virginity. No one wants to be the last virgin in a group of friends.

 

[Wintermoot]

I think kids want to have sex for bragging rights (I am 16 and sadly still a virgin without a girlfriend)

 

[Turbo_Destructor]

I think if i had the luxury of choice, when it came to sex I would be very careful who i slept with, and i wouldn't just sleep with some chick at a party. Having said that, I am an unbelievably bad womanizer, and as such, I do not have the luxury of choice.

 

[cookieXkiller]

I'm interested in how your sex ended horribly.

I think you will be in the minority, teenagers are curious beings who want to try everything. Sex included, especially since they are told not to by some religions and people.

ironic , my perents didnt care, and where i was raised nobody really cared... and after fucking up a lot in one place i moved, i learnt and i moved on... also i lost my *v* plates to someone i didnt care for while i was at a party so thats one regret but eh, we all have them? regrets not one night stands

 

[MrNickster]

I have never had anything resmbling a girlfriend, but the people I talk to always tell me the first time is awkward beyond anything else and anyone who says otherwise is lying.

I have another pseudo friend who contantly brags about the sex he and his 'girlfriend' have every night (She constantly denies it while he loudly declares it to be true). He steals her money, calls her a ***** and cares more about World of Warcraft than her, yet she still stays with him. The mind boggles.

I think I'd like to have sex with someone I care about first and see how I feel from there.

 

[Crysco]

This is just my opinion but if you think about it, society has made sex what it is today. Animals have sex all the time. I mean sure with most species the males fight over the female so there is some sense of standards but still. You get the point. Sex is just a way to keep life going. Society has just made it such a taboo thing that people hold in urges until they feel it is the "right time" or they just cave and go crazy on anything that moves.

Now this is where my opinion really kicks in. I think the whole wait til marriage thing is crap. But I will go somewhat with society and say that it should be with someone you really care for and they care for you back. I mean, after all, we aren't animals [so to speak]. I am 20 years old and still am a virgin. I can say that I haven't really had the opportunity to have sex but I would like to think that when the time comes, I will think a lot about it and make sure I am ready rather than just whip it out and have a "good" ole' time. To sum it up, you are not alone. I feel the same way.

 

[f0re1gn]

Early sex is bad, but having only one partner in your whole life is also biologically and psychologically wrong. The main thing about sex is that you shouldn't regret it had happened.

 

[Divine Miss Bee]

the first person i ever slept with had some experience and made it fun instead of awkward. even though i don't think i was in love with her, she was definitely the right person for me because she turned sex from something kind of scary into something to be excited about, and i think that's as it should be. so maybe your criteria is too rigid when it comes to the "right" person, especially when it's the first time. if both partners are awkward virgins, no matter how much in love, it'll be weird for them.

 

[ploppytheman]

Because people are selfish assholes who only want to get their own and feel good rather than do anything good. Thats why STD and abortion and divorce are so high. A lot of people think its an accomplishment to sleep with some slut. Its easy to sleep with sluts, thats why they are called sluts. If you can get a girl who doesn't let you her in her pants till you get married thats probably a keeper and actually hard to do compared to sleeping with the girl everyone else has. Plus its disgusting imo. You just have morals above most of the idiots who live like animals, which is a good thing.

If its easy, its not worth it.

 

[RathWolf]

Eh. I'm sort of middle of the road on this. I'm 18, a virgin, not by choice, but it's not like I'm out hounding for tail, either. Hell, I've never even kissed a girl. Do I want to have sex? Yes, but that's mainly due to curiosity and biology. It's not like I want it to be with just any random person.

But, at the same time, I don't like to associate all this emotional weight to the idea. Some emotional weight, yes, but not the amount that people place on it. I sort of see it in the same way as the "First Kiss". Should it be with someone you care about? Yes. But it doesn't mean that person has to be "the One" because quite frankly, I think that's placing too much value in a physical act, and I don't believe that "true love" is that clear cut.

The scenario I think of is this: If some hot woman comes up to me and asks me to sleep with her, even if all the negative possibilities(STDs,unwanted pregnancy, etc) are eliminated, I probably would turn her down. But if I had a girlfriend who was okay with having sex, and I at least held some feelings towards her, then yes, I probably would. It doesn't have to mean she's my soul mate, it can just be another way of expressing affection.