Anti Joke time

[Jerious1154]

Courtesy of John Hodgman:
"A man goes into a bar, he has a dog with him. The dog is wearing an eye patch. The man says to the bartender, 'Ask me about my dog'. Unfortunately the bartender does not hear him, because he went deaf in one ear as a child. He serves a woman at the end of the bar. When he comes around to the man with the dog again, the man orders an imported beer. He forgets what he was going to say about the dog."

 

[Xeros]

"A black man walks into a bar;
He paid for his drink and couldn't have been more courteous."

 

[Threx]

Q:Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A:It wasn?t. Numbers don?t have feelings.

 

[OmegaCheese]

When a tree falls in a forest when no-one is around, what sound does it make?

Well it all depends really, if it falls solitarily it'll just go BOOM and then everything will be over but if it is in a group of trees then a chain reaction will begin and there will be a huge BOOM sound many times and you may possibly hear the local wildlife being crushed by trees.

 

[Urgh76]

There's a man with altzheimers living next door...

.....................

what? you think that's funny?!

.....get outta my sight.....................

 

[OmegaCheese]

A sufferer of Cerebal Palasy walked into a bar.
Unfortunately he was greeted by mock's and insults showing how unfortunate our treating of fellow man can be.

 

[Lou]

What did the flying cupcake say?

Nothing. It's a cupcake. Cupcakes don't talk.

 

[kablump]

A black man, a spanish man and a jewish man walk into a bar,
bartender says "Hello how may i serve you?"
They all respectively order their own personal favorite beverages and have an intelectual conversation.

 

[SwimmingRock]

What did the flying cupcake say?

Nothing. It's a cupcake. Cupcakes don't talk.

But they do fly? Take me to this wonderland, that I may partake in free, flying cupcakes. You know, unless they bleed. That would be gross. Unless they bleed chocolate frosting.

 

[kablump]

A black man, a mexican man and a gay man jump off a building who lands first?

They all do because they're all equal in the eyes of a free world!

 

[Prof. Monkeypox]

Bear with me, it's part of a set:

Q) "What do you call that man with no arms and no legs floating in the water?"
A) "Bob"

Q) "What do you call that man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?"
A) "Art"

Q) "What do you call that man with no arms and no legs sitting on a grill?"
A) "Frank"

Q) "And that woman?"
A) "Patty"

Q) "Ok, but what about that man with no arms and no legs lying in a ditch?"
A) "Dave"

 

[lacktheknack]

A boy fell in mud.

He took a bath with bubbles.

Bubbles is the girl next door.

Who the hell names their kid "Bubbles"??

 

[lacktheknack]

A black man, a mexican man and a gay man jump off a building who lands first?

They all do because they're all equal in the eyes of a free world!

That's not an anti-joke. The anti-joke would be "They all do, as according to Newton's law of forces."

 

[Deef]

A man walks into a bar.
He says ouch, and then continues on his way.

 

[FalloutJack]

Ok this is a C&H comic

Spoiler

EDIT needed to add the spoiler tags

Does that work? Too Dark? Not an Anti-Joke?

Nope, sorry. I laughed, so it must be funny to some. The trouble here is that everything is funny to someone. To demonstrate, I will now read names from the phone book, and someone will laugh even if it's not funny.

Anderson, Arron
Anderson, Boris
Anderson, Clyde...

 

[Deleric]

Explaining any joke automatically negates the effect.

Or saying "haha, it's funny because he's black."

 

[natster43]

What did the wall say to the other wall?
Nothing. They're walls. Walls cannot communicate nor are they alive.

 

[OmegaCheese]

A boy fell in mud.

He took a bath with bubbles.

Bubbles is the girl next door.

Who the hell names their kid "Bubbles"??

You my sir, ar eone of the funniest poeple I have read on this thread, that just cracked me up.

 

[knumpify]

if a damaged plane is at a steady decline of 350 feet per second, and the plane is at 30,000 feet traveling at 400 kmph, how far will the plane have traveled at 0 altitude?

all the way to the scene of the crash

and for good measure, i bet we beat the paramedics by a good half-hour