Anti Joke time
- Thread starter Goldeneye1989
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one day there was a monotheistic, agnostic and a atheist.
on one gloomy day a monotheistic walk by a table and saw this huge brown lump and immediately the monotheistic bent over and started to praise the huge brown lump in which the monotheistic declared it as a sign of god and left several hours later.
the next day the agnostic walks by the table and sees the huge brown lump, because the agnostic is not too sure what to make of this huge brown lump, the agnostic examines it for a second and sees a face in the huge brown lump so agnostic takes a picture of it on his mobile phone in which the agnostic declares it as a sign of that a god does exist.
on the last day the atheist walks by and notices this huge brown lump lying there like a sack of potatoes so the atheist stands there puzzled on why a unknown object was lying there so the atheist runs to a shed and gathers equipment, after a few days of sampling and measuring the atheist walks out of the room into the open world and says "I declare this unknown object as shit!"
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I don't think this will go down too well ^.^
on one gloomy day a monotheistic walk by a table and saw this huge brown lump and immediately the monotheistic bent over and started to praise the huge brown lump in which the monotheistic declared it as a sign of god and left several hours later.
the next day the agnostic walks by the table and sees the huge brown lump, because the agnostic is not too sure what to make of this huge brown lump, the agnostic examines it for a second and sees a face in the huge brown lump so agnostic takes a picture of it on his mobile phone in which the agnostic declares it as a sign of that a god does exist.
on the last day the atheist walks by and notices this huge brown lump lying there like a sack of potatoes so the atheist stands there puzzled on why a unknown object was lying there so the atheist runs to a shed and gathers equipment, after a few days of sampling and measuring the atheist walks out of the room into the open world and says "I declare this unknown object as shit!"
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I don't think this will go down too well ^.^
A plane crashs on the mexican-american border...
It caused millions in property damage and many people lost their lives.
Too atoms are walking down the road when one trips. He turns to the other one and says "I think I've lost an electron"
The other one asks "Are you sure?"
The first replies: "I'm positive."
The missing electron later ended up in a self destructive spiral of drugs and prostitutes due to the lack of a father figure in its anthropormorphized life. It eventually killed itself after it could no longer face another day.
It caused millions in property damage and many people lost their lives.
Too atoms are walking down the road when one trips. He turns to the other one and says "I think I've lost an electron"
The other one asks "Are you sure?"
The first replies: "I'm positive."
The missing electron later ended up in a self destructive spiral of drugs and prostitutes due to the lack of a father figure in its anthropormorphized life. It eventually killed itself after it could no longer face another day.
If a quiz is a quizzical, what's a test?
It's still just a test, because in fact a quiz is NOT a quizzical
It's still just a test, because in fact a quiz is NOT a quizzical
A ball rolls around a corner and topples over.
A man walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we're closed early today."
"Oh."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The police. Your husband was killed in a car crash.
What did the duck say to the elephant after he walked into the strip club wearing a tie?
"Quack."
A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is slowly tearing apart his family.
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Here's a prescription of anti-depressants. I want you to have regular sessions with me."
A man goes outside to check for his mail.
It turns out he had received several letters and magazines that day.
Two priests walking down the street spot a nearby playground and decide to sit at a bench near the swirl slide.
"It's a wonderful day, is it not Brother Matthew?"
"Yes... yes, it is."
Then they went home.
What's the difference between a blond stewardess and a brunette one?
The blond one has lighter hair.
What's the difference between a B and a C cup?
C cups are for larger breasts.
A man walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we're closed early today."
"Oh."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The police. Your husband was killed in a car crash.
What did the duck say to the elephant after he walked into the strip club wearing a tie?
"Quack."
A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is slowly tearing apart his family.
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Here's a prescription of anti-depressants. I want you to have regular sessions with me."
A man goes outside to check for his mail.
It turns out he had received several letters and magazines that day.
Two priests walking down the street spot a nearby playground and decide to sit at a bench near the swirl slide.
"It's a wonderful day, is it not Brother Matthew?"
"Yes... yes, it is."
Then they went home.
What's the difference between a blond stewardess and a brunette one?
The blond one has lighter hair.
What's the difference between a B and a C cup?
C cups are for larger breasts.
Man, where's a popsicle stick when you need one. I think I've got one
Three guys named Stupid, Shut-up and Manners are playing hide and seek, Stupid is picked to be the seeker. Stupid looks all over for his friends but can't find them and finally goes to a policeman for help, the policeman asks him who he's looking for and he describe Shut-Up and Manners' appearances without saying their names the policeman helps find them and they all go home and live happily ever after.
Three guys named Stupid, Shut-up and Manners are playing hide and seek, Stupid is picked to be the seeker. Stupid looks all over for his friends but can't find them and finally goes to a policeman for help, the policeman asks him who he's looking for and he describe Shut-Up and Manners' appearances without saying their names the policeman helps find them and they all go home and live happily ever after.
Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?teh_pwning_dude said:
It was on the back of the second koala
Why did the cyclist fall off his bike?
He was hit by three falling koalas
What do you call a man in a Hockey Mask weilding a machette?
Jason Voorhees you moron! Now run for your life!
Jason Voorhees you moron! Now run for your life!
It doesn't bode well for me that out of your line up of hilarious jokes, I found these two to be many many times funnier than all of the others.ffs-dontcare said:
So a horse walks into a bar with it's owner. The bartender tells the owner to keep his horse outside. The owner follows the instructions and ties it in the beer-garden. The owner of the horse enjoys a cold pint of beer before going back home with the horse.
How many of a particular demographic does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
One to screw in the light-bulb and X amount to act in a stereotypical fashion to convey a prejudice punchline.
How many of a particular demographic does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
One to screw in the light-bulb and X amount to act in a stereotypical fashion to convey a prejudice punchline.
I LOL'Dsketch_zeppelin said:
why did the blonde receptionist with ample breasts get the job over the others
Because she had the most expirence and was more qualified for the job
Do you know why lesbians read Sarah Waters novels?
Because her novels are well-written and lesbian women have just as good taste in literature as anybody else!
Because her novels are well-written and lesbian women have just as good taste in literature as anybody else!
A picture of the prophet mohammad walked into a bar, and the barman said "This is both enciteful to muslims and culturally unlikely".