great lies to tell little kids.

[userwhoquitthesite]

To fly, throw yourself at the ground and miss.

that isnt a lie

 

[Mullahgrrl]

Your *ahem* will become infected and drop off if you submerge it in water.

And that is how girls are made.

I told some kids I met that mayonaise comes from an animal in south America that is called the Mayonaise, named after the sound that it makes (*Mayyonääise*) that was brought by portugese colonist from east africa in the late 16th century.

 

[Gaderael]

Every time you touch yourself *down there*, God kills a kitten.

That's a lie?
...I'll be right back.

Ahem. Anyway.
Do good things and good things will happen to you.
If you want to see some puppies, there's some in this van.

Yeah but the part about the hairy palms and going blind? That's 100% pure truthiness.

 

[TheMedicated]

If you stay up past 10 o clock, Ronald McDonald will come out of the dark and take you to Valhalla

Must mean I'm getting old (so much for my inner child, poor bastard!)---I've been up past 10 and no one's taken me to Valhalla! *sulks*

 

[Deus Est]

"Can you go charge up my high-vis jacket with this torch?"

Ahh cadets are so gullible...

 

[Gaderael]

When you pick your nose, that's really bits of brain that come out.

 

[SomeUnregPunk]

I heard this one in the hospital..... prior to the girl getting wacked by her dad....
"You have cancer because Jesus wants you dead."

 

[Spaceman_Spiff]

Harry Potter was burnt at the stake.
Whenever you change a channel on tv the presenter on the last channel DIES INSTANTLY.

 

[Pegghead]

Ooh goody goody! I read a funny book filled with these once, let me see...cat poos are worth thirty dollars each, simply collect them and hand them into your local newsagent.

 

[Pegghead]

Every time you touch yourself *down there*, God kills a kitten.

At 6:32 this morning, my sweet little Mittens was struck by lightning even though it was a warm, cloudless morning. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! (I've never even had a cat, I simply typed this for the lulz, basically the only reason why someone would tell a kid that f*&king is the process by which people hand out cake *At a party to the host* Excuse me Mrs Daniels mum but when are you going to start f*&king)

 

[A Raging Emo]

If you rubbed two Red-Headded Children togeher, it'll make fire!

 

[Ray De Ation]

Lego bricks are not made; they are grown.

 

[Cody211282]

Leaded paint is just as good as candy!

 

[Wayward Sean]

You can be anything you want when you grow up! That one's great because you don't see their disappointment until they're 20.

 

[lostclause]

My favourite one from that book was 'Grandma is really a robot from the future. If you say the word 'badminton' to her, it activates her programming and she kills all humans.'
That or 'Tomatoes aren't actually a vegetable. They're a type of dolphin.'

 

[Ren3004]

Me and a friend once convinced my brother that he was invisible.

 

[Milford Cubicle]

I tell my son that drugs and alcohol are bad and that you should never take either. That's probably the biggest lie I've told a child.

 

[Insanum]

But, on topic, if you're hand is bigger than your face, you have cancer.

You sir, Have a cookie for making my day.

[img/]http://thehealthblogger.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/cookie.jpg[/img]

My OT - Tellimg them santa isnt real is a lie. Twiiiiisted.

 

[chiggerwood]

If you're not asleep by nine the candy man will come by and KILL YOU!!!!

that's a direct quote from my sisters best friend, when I was 4, and it was 8:30 I swear