How to ask a girl out (Operation 7)

[BonsaiK]

Sooo... This girl I have liked for a really, really long time is single again... and well, I need advice on how to ask a girl out. I have been receving way to much advice from my friends about what to do, each one controdicts the other. I NEED HELP FROM SMART PEOPLE! Ever sense last week, a bunch of shit has been going through my head on what to do, and why things have happened in the past. I still have to work with my shitty highschool, writing a book, and dealing with... you know... girls. I have attempted 6 times in the past to ask her, 5 of which I couldn't even get the question out! (mostly because she already had a boyfriend and I figured it out before I asked) So now it is attempt 7! Lucky number 7, amirite bungi?????? So I am seeking your advice, I plan to ask her next week, but I wanted to know more steps to it, some of my friends say I should try to hang out with her first, others say I should just come clean and ask her... God my head hurts from this. I have more important things to deal with, but this is distracting me. (God ADD is a curse...) So, sense this forums full of intelegent people, I hope one of you has advice on the oposite gender! So yeah... please help!

OHH I forgot another thing, I have to prepair for a Left 4 Dead 2 tournement at my school, HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO CONCENTRATE ON A HORDE OF ZOMBIES WITH ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRLS ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET ON MY MIND?

By popular demand, I've answered your question in the Relationship Problem thread, at the following link: ----> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=52#8671085

 

[default]

Okay, MASTACHIEFPWN...

Just by your username and the fact you are participating in a Left for Dead 2 tournament are enough for me to assume you're a bit of a dork.

However, cuteness ALWAYS wins over being a confident badass in any girl's books whos worth being with. Don't get me wrong, be confident, but not a jerk. Be romantic, kind, funny and sensitive. If you have wanted her for this long just tell her that, it will make her feel special. Make sure you look good on the day you ask her. Shave, cut and wash your hair, wear nice clothes and smell nice. Don't stutter or fidget. Just relax.

Take it easy, don't seem to eager, it will put her off. Just ask softly, preferably just as you part. It's easier on the both of you. If she wants to say no, or wants to think about it, she has time to come up with an answer. It is NEVER fair to put someone on the spot, and she may say something she doesn't really want, which will make it harder for both of you.

Which brings me to my next point: There is NO point in having a relationship that one of you does not want. Don't labour the point.

If you have liked this girl for this long you are obviously very emotionally attached to her. Don't let yourself be crushed if she says no. Accept it, learn to let it pass, and move on.

And my most IMPORTANT TIP:

ALWAYS BECOME EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO A GIRL BEFORE YOU ASK HER OUT.

Girls are very emotionally driven beings. First off, are you even friends with this girl? If not, forget about it, or at least hang out for a while first and get to know each other. If you are, what's the tone of your relationship? Can you identify that?

Good luck anyway, mate.

Confidence always wins, if you don't have it find somebody else. So anyways the problem with this thread is we know NOTHING, about the girl. Do you guys have similar interests? Girls are all different, so play her interests and be yourself. If you can't get her being yourself you arent right for, heres an xkcd to put things in perspective. http://xkcd.com/513/ (I hate it when they have boyfriends too though right)

D'awwww, your avatar is adorable!

Yeah, confidence is ALWAYS important, I agree 100%. However sensitivity should never be sacrificed for it.

 

[hortez the champion of the frozen wastes]

MY PLAN SO FAR:
Engage her in a conversation, and near the end say "Hey, would you like to see a movie with me on friday?"

A word of advice; movie dates are lame. Sitting in a dark room not talking to her for 1 1/2 hours. Go do something interesting. Go to your cities wobsite and look at events.

 

[SwagLordYoloson]

Over 9000 :O

Maybe you should lower your standards? find a girl who isn't as popular with guys, you might end up feeling jealous if heaps of guys keep flirting with your girlfriend as soon as you leave to get a drink.....

 

[LightningBanks]

.....sigh.
You are infatuated with this one girl and by putting her up on a pedistal you are just hurting yourself.

THIS

think of it this way-

the more time you spend thinking about her, the more it will hurt if she says no. getting it over with as quickly as possible by just throwing the question out there will not only make you seem more confident, but also you wont feel as bad if she says no.

its kinda like ripping off a plaster...

THIS

If you don't know her all that well, get to know her first but don't act that friendly...or the dreaded friend zone will come and bite you in the ass. Don't be the brother she alwasys wanted haha.

AND THIS. ALL HAPPENED TO ME

Dont fall into these traps, it has made me the broken man that I am (hopefully temporary, buts its been two months). I have come to terms that my mind is set to depress me, so it probably hit me twice as hard, but this is the first time ive fallen like this....im babbling now

My point is, dont make the same mistakes I did. plz. for me

SUPER EDIT: You actually remind me of me, I had a similar situation (Girl was single the whole summer though, so I had less excuse)

ALSO

Your Pyro pic just keeps giving me a vision of you setting her on fire should it go wrong.
Also I guess this proves the pyros a man

 

[hortez the champion of the frozen wastes]

Okay, MASTACHIEFPWN...

Just by your username and the fact you are participating in a Left for Dead 2 tournament are enough for me to assume you're a bit of a dork.

However, cuteness ALWAYS wins over being a confident badass in any girl's books whos worth being with. Don't get me wrong, be confident, but not a jerk. Be romantic, kind, funny and sensitive. If you have wanted her for this long just tell her that, it will make her feel special. Make sure you look good on the day you ask her. Shave, cut and wash your hair, wear nice clothes and smell nice. Don't stutter or fidget. Just relax.

Take it easy, don't seem to eager, it will put her off. Just ask softly, preferably just as you part. It's easier on the both of you. If she wants to say no, or wants to think about it, she has time to come up with an answer. It is NEVER fair to put someone on the spot, and she may say something she doesn't really want, which will make it harder for both of you.

Which brings me to my next point: There is NO point in having a relationship that one of you does not want. Don't labour the point.

If you have liked this girl for this long you are obviously very emotionally attached to her. Don't let yourself be crushed if she says no. Accept it, learn to let it pass, and move on.

And my most IMPORTANT TIP:

ALWAYS BECOME EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO A GIRL BEFORE YOU ASK HER OUT.

Girls are very emotionally driven beings. First off, are you even friends with this girl? If not, forget about it, or at least hang out for a while first and get to know each other. If you are, what's the tone of your relationship? Can you identify that?

Good luck anyway, mate.

Oh man. If you are emotionally attached to girls it makes things harder. Not saying you shouldn't be, it's totally cool to only date girls you're attached to (god knows I do), but the thing is, if you don't have much experience, approach anxiety takes over. You're more likely to come off as a needy little *****. Not a sure thing, but it happens.

Also, cuteness rarely wins out for any girl. You see girls genuinely like cute guys. The only problem is confidence is sexy. Girls are physically attracted to it, even if the guy is a jerk. My friend once told me he has no idea why he's successful with women, but I'll tell you why; cause he's a BAMF. If you're confident, you're more attractive. It's th at simple. You can definitely be romantic and sensitive and funny, but first she has to be attracted to you or she'll never get to know that part of you.

 

[Yosato]

This is actually quite exciting Can't wait to hear the results.
OT: Honestly I haven't been out with anyone all year since I've just avoided people in general so I'm not the most qualified to give advice, but generally I just try and act super cool and witty and throw in an odd flirty compliment here and there to let them know I'm interested, then I just spontaneously ask them out of the blue whenever the question comes to mind - it's a bit forward really, I guess I should rethink it, then again it always works so there you go.

Of course then when she inevitably sees my room they always realise that I'm actually not one of the cool kids and just a massive nerd, especially with the enormous Star Wars banner running across my window, but they always said it's 'cute' so I'm not sure whether to be flattered or offended.

 

[CrystalShadow]

Getting up the courage to ask is 9001x more difficult than actually asking.

"Hey, let me buy you a cup of coffee/lunch/dinner" is all you really need.

huh, that ones new. I think I might use that on other girls if I can't get her, right now I am sort of leaning toward "Hey, would you like to see a movie with me sometime?"

To quote my Business Writing professor: "Don't ever give the other person an easy way to say no."

"Would you like to see a movie with me sometime" gives her PLENTY of opportunity to string you along---and it shows NO confidence at all from you. It's a no-balls question.

If you're going to ask a girl out, you give her a concrete set of things you intend to do (I usually ask girls out fairly spontaneously, but if I've the future in mind, I'll append a date and time, like "Let's go out for coffee. 2:30, after class tomorrow sound good for you? Coffee's on me.") I find that women are far less likely to say no if you put them on the spot, and once I have the girl in the Starbucks I make with the jokes and the charm and lo and behold, I'm starting to think I couldn't stay single if I tried.

Yes, this works to an extent. But I have a hard time saying no, and this kind of pushy behaviour led me to being coerced into doing something I would rather have avoided.

That's my fault for not being more assertive about what is and isn't acceptable, but it still caused me to end up being abused.

Now, I know what you mean to say here, but it can be really intimidating to have a guy after you.

Ahem. Anyway, just ignore me. I just had a bad experience about 3 days ago which is clouding my judgement and making me a little panicky.

 

[quantumsoul]

Dude you're wayyyyyy too into her. Try asking someone else out first. So you get your confidence up and realize asking girls out isn't a big deal, even if you get rejected. Who knows you might even get a date with someone better for you.

Or you could just ask her out and get it over with. Good luck to you either way.

 

[Mr Pantomime]

You should "accidentally" let her see this thread. Its rather charming.

 

[Jester00]

MY PLAN SO FAR:
Engage her in a conversation, and near the end say "Hey, would you like to see a movie with me on friday?"

i think the coffee stuff is way better.

 

[SimuLord]

Getting up the courage to ask is 9001x more difficult than actually asking.

"Hey, let me buy you a cup of coffee/lunch/dinner" is all you really need.

huh, that ones new. I think I might use that on other girls if I can't get her, right now I am sort of leaning toward "Hey, would you like to see a movie with me sometime?"

To quote my Business Writing professor: "Don't ever give the other person an easy way to say no."

"Would you like to see a movie with me sometime" gives her PLENTY of opportunity to string you along---and it shows NO confidence at all from you. It's a no-balls question.

If you're going to ask a girl out, you give her a concrete set of things you intend to do (I usually ask girls out fairly spontaneously, but if I've the future in mind, I'll append a date and time, like "Let's go out for coffee. 2:30, after class tomorrow sound good for you? Coffee's on me.") I find that women are far less likely to say no if you put them on the spot, and once I have the girl in the Starbucks I make with the jokes and the charm and lo and behold, I'm starting to think I couldn't stay single if I tried.

Yes, this works to an extent. But I have a hard time saying no, and this kind of pushy behaviour led me to being coerced into doing something I would rather have avoided.

That's my fault for not being more assertive about what is and isn't acceptable, but it still caused me to end up being abused.

Now, I know what you mean to say here, but it can be really intimidating to have a guy after you.

Ahem. Anyway, just ignore me. I just had a bad experience about 3 days ago which is clouding my judgement and making me a little panicky.

There are two types of guys who are as aggressive as I. Benevolent alpha males who are loving and caring and protective...and abusive jerks. And the fine line between the former and the latter can be VERY hard to discern (which makes my life a lot harder when I'm trying to earn a girl's trust!)

 

[default]

snipperoo

Oh man. If you are emotionally attached to girls it makes things harder. Not saying you shouldn't be, it's totally cool to only date girls you're attached to (god knows I do), but the thing is, if you don't have much experience, approach anxiety takes over. You're more likely to come off as a needy little *****. Not a sure thing, but it happens.

Also, cuteness rarely wins out for any girl. You see girls genuinely like cute guys. The only problem is confidence is sexy. Girls are physically attracted to it, even if the guy is a jerk. My friend once told me he has no idea why he's successful with women, but I'll tell you why; cause he's a BAMF. If you're confident, you're more attractive. It's th at simple. You can definitely be romantic and sensitive and funny, but first she has to be attracted to you or she'll never get to know that part of you.

I meant emotional attachment both ways. Make SURE she likes you more than a friend before you ask. Then the feelings are true and genuine, and she isn't just sizing up possibilities or trying not to hurt your feelings.

Furthermore, can't a guy be cute and confident? I don't see why not, they are perfectly compatible, and if blended to the right degree create a perfect romance machine.

BUT confidence is often synonymous with being a jerk, which is about the most unattractive thing on the planet. Gotta strike a balance, and stay away from the Brotherhood of Douche.

But yeah, be assertive, know and communicate what you want, but in a gentle way.

 

[historybuff]

Just ask her.

Don't be a dick or attempt to "force" her into a date with you.

Just ask her. "Hey, would you like to do get a cup of coffee sometime?"

Straight-forward, to the point. If she's smart and mature, she'll be honest about it and ony say yes if she's interested.

 

[ObsessiveSketch]

I have to prepair for a Left 4 Dead 2 tournement at my school, HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO CONCENTRATE ON A HORDE OF ZOMBIES WITH ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRLS ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET ON MY MIND?

Unless she's a gamer-girl, DO NOT MENTION THIS^^^^^

Age? Respective cliques? Gotta have more info here. Is there a special event coming up that could act as a good leaping-off point? (dance, movie release, etc.)

All I can say is: good luck. I'd say listening to HER friends about what to do is wiser than YOUR friends. If nothing else, find something you have in common, and invite her to an event that concerns your mutual interest. If things go well, try asking @ the end of it. If not...well...tough luck, buddeh

confidence is sexy. Girls are physically attracted to it, even if the guy is a jerk. My friend once told me he has no idea why he's successful with women, but I'll tell you why; cause he's a BAMF. If you're confident, you're more attractive. It's th at simple. You can definitely be romantic and sensitive and funny, but first she has to be attracted to you or she'll never get to know that part of you.

Also, this^^^

 

[Siuki]

I thought this was about asking a girl out on Operation 7, the MMOFPS...

OT: Just be up front and ask her. Won't hurt. It might, but it's worth a try.

 

[thereverend7]

Confidence, as everyone else has said, is key. but don't act desperate. act like it doesn't matter to you what she says, you just want to hear her answer. if she says no, move on with the conversation without missing a beat. In my experience, girls are very attracted to guys who seem to just want to have a good time and socialize or get to know people and aren't really worried about getting the girl. if you play it right, you will get girls to fall for you.

Again. thats just in my experience. every girl is different, though, so there isn't a single piece of advice I could actually give you that would work on every girl, or even this girl. I hope this helped even a little.

 

[DarkRyter]

Just play it cool, man.

 

[Daniel Ferguson]

I've gone the straightforward "let's date" or "wanna be my girlfriend" route twice this year. "let's date" girl felt awkward because she had never been asked out before, and the other just wanted to be friends. Grrr. And a whole room full of people unanimously said to do it. I wrote it in a message and they were all heart-melted too. So there's an example of why being direct might NOT work.

Unfair world, isn't it?

 

[CrystalShadow]

Getting up the courage to ask is 9001x more difficult than actually asking.

"Hey, let me buy you a cup of coffee/lunch/dinner" is all you really need.

huh, that ones new. I think I might use that on other girls if I can't get her, right now I am sort of leaning toward "Hey, would you like to see a movie with me sometime?"

To quote my Business Writing professor: "Don't ever give the other person an easy way to say no."

"Would you like to see a movie with me sometime" gives her PLENTY of opportunity to string you along---and it shows NO confidence at all from you. It's a no-balls question.

If you're going to ask a girl out, you give her a concrete set of things you intend to do (I usually ask girls out fairly spontaneously, but if I've the future in mind, I'll append a date and time, like "Let's go out for coffee. 2:30, after class tomorrow sound good for you? Coffee's on me.") I find that women are far less likely to say no if you put them on the spot, and once I have the girl in the Starbucks I make with the jokes and the charm and lo and behold, I'm starting to think I couldn't stay single if I tried.

Yes, this works to an extent. But I have a hard time saying no, and this kind of pushy behaviour led me to being coerced into doing something I would rather have avoided.

That's my fault for not being more assertive about what is and isn't acceptable, but it still caused me to end up being abused.

Now, I know what you mean to say here, but it can be really intimidating to have a guy after you.

Ahem. Anyway, just ignore me. I just had a bad experience about 3 days ago which is clouding my judgement and making me a little panicky.

There are two types of guys who are as aggressive as I. Benevolent alpha males who are loving and caring and protective...and abusive jerks. And the fine line between the former and the latter can be VERY hard to discern (which makes my life a lot harder when I'm trying to earn a girl's trust!)

That makes sense.

But of course, it's equally difficult to get a handle on which is which. And the consequences of getting it wrong can be pretty bad.

But anyway...
This is never easy regardless of which side of the situation you're on.
It's one of those things you can only learn by trying it out.
Even if that leads to some horrible stuff happening occasionally.