Relationships and life.

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PeeSoup

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Nov 18, 2009
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@Cheeze_Pavilion
You totally smell what I'm stepping in. Thanks for making my advice a bit clearer. I'm not always the best at articulating my thoughts and emphasizing the points I'd like to.
 

BonsaiK

Music Industry Corporate Whore
Nov 14, 2007
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Cheeze_Pavilion said:
BonsaiK said:
This problem has been answered in the Relationship Problem Thread, which is at the following link: ----> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161?page=17#4191524
That's bad advice: guys should definitely worry about being fat and ugly. It matters. And it's not about visual stimuli--it's about imagining tactile stimuli.

I will agree that women are not enticed by a specific body part the way men are, but we're talking about more than enticing a person in: we're talking about going all the way from initial interest to actual attraction. Girls looks at guys smarter and more "holistically" *at first* but once we're beyond first impression, fat and ugly is a pretty big deal breaker.
No it isn't.

My last two girlfriends were fat and not because I just decided to "settle" for them. I actually turned down offers from skinnier girls to pursue them!

Quite a lot of people are genuinely attracted to fat people. Especially the tactile part of it.
 

President Moocow

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Nov 18, 2009
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Cheeze_Pavilion said:
President Moocow said:
Cheeze_Pavilion said:
There are plenty of really great people out there who do care about looks. It's fairy tale thinking to say that anyone worth being with doesn't care about looks or anyone who thinks they are important isn't--it's just a way to deflect guilt over the knowledge that looks matter to all of us, we've just been brainwashed to think that's shallow. It's not. It's when a person thinks good looks will make up for a bad personality that a person is being shallow. Wanting someone who turns on both your brain and your body? That's just being honest with yourself that you're a human being.
Nope, incorrect! For guys, a girl's looks matter more than her personality (now that doesn't mean personality is not important!). For girls, a guy's personality matters more than his looks (likewise, it doesn't mean looks don't matter, they definitely get you noticed, but most of the time girls find a guy with confidence VERY attractive even if he's not physically attractive.
Leaving aside whether that is right or wrong (it's wrong, of course--we just pretend it's true out of male guilt; and in fact to assert male privilege) how does that contradict what I said?

Granting you're right for the sake of argument, "most of the time" what you say is true. Why doesn't my assertion that "there are plenty of really great people out there who do care about looks" pertain to "some of the time"?
Ok, first of all, saying "leaving aside what is right and wrong" then going right ahead and stating your opinion anyways, is kind of ridiculous. It's like me saying to a random person "Leaving aside what I think of you, (by the way I think you're a fucking moron) why do you think that way". It's pretty funny, I must say. But it doesn't accomplish anything besides making your opinion seem insignificant

Anyways, it contradicts your idea because you apparently have this believe that girls only care about looks. Which, simply put, isn't correct. The part that gets confusing is that it's not all black and white, sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not.

Also, I don't even know what the hell you're trying to talk about with this "we pretend it's true out of male guilt". What do we pretend? Why the hell would we all pretend something is true? What the fuck does it have to do with "asserting male privilege"? Care to explain that one?

The reason you're generalization was more false than mine (since all generalizations are true and false at the same time) is because you said that EVERYONE cares about looks whilst the reality is much less inflated and my generalization is a more realistic portrayal.

Also, I have to thank whoever the pointed out that I was generalization. Cause that's a shocker! You know what else is a shocker? Everyone generalizes! (by the way, that was also a generalization).
 

Kurokami

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Feb 23, 2009
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Brimtastic said:
First off, I want to apologize for wasting your time if none of this makes sense to you, the reader. I don't post much stuff. I just need to get some opinions and I find it quite difficult to articulate how I feel about this subject to friends or family. Your comments are always greatly appreciated.

Anyway, to tell you a little about myself, I am a pretty fat and ugly senior in high school. I have never had a girlfriend nor does it look that likely that I will in some time. In most other aspects of my life I feel confident in my capability. Just not this one.

I never really attempted to get a girlfriend until a year ago. Where I met a girl and I actually thought it was possible that she liked me and all that jazz (I even wrote her poems, yes it is stupid/creepy now that I look back on it, though she did like them). Only to find out she only thought of me as a "nice, funny guy"...

Now days, I am bitter towards the success of my friends and their relationships with their girlfriends. I feel cynical and cold. I have come to realization that no matter what I do/say I will always be the "fat funny guy". I find no point in "being nice" to these girls, for I will be the same thing to them no matter how I act. Right now I feel like this life I'm living in is just a joke and I'm the only one laughing...I don't want to laugh anymore.
For what its worth, I'm more or less the same except I'm no longer fat or (in my opinion) bad looking. If you think that's bad, wait until you get to the part where you start to think your friends don't really appreciate you so much as they do your humor.
 

Tsuillo

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Sep 5, 2009
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it's all about attitude, the more confident you are, the more girls will find you attractive.

And hell, if that doesn't help, Go off to college in Wisconson, Oklahoma or Texas, home of the most overweight demographics in the US.

If you can't beat it, join it!

But yeah, highschool is caddy and full of drama, once you're out, and off to college, things will get soo much easier. There where a couple big guys at my college, and half of them had a girlfriend the entire way though.

Just find your nitche and relax, it'll all get there eventually.
 

Puzzles

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Aug 9, 2009
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I'm not trying to be mean, just pointing out the facts of life.

You can change being fat, exercise and you will feel much better about many things.

You shouldn't expect girls to want you just for your personality any more than you might want a large and/or ugly girl for hers. That isn't fair. Sexual attraction is and always will be a big part of any relationship, unless you are one funny bastard.

The change starts with you. If you want it bad enough, take on the effort of changing your appearance. No doubt you will get a lot more attention with a lot less weight. Your personality will probably end up a little less cynical afterwards.
 

Dahni

Lemon Meringue Tie
Aug 18, 2009
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lose weight, get a good haircut, get all new clothes, and make sure you make it clear you want more than "just friends" with a girl. flirt with her more noticeably, without being creepy. :)
 

BonsaiK

Music Industry Corporate Whore
Nov 14, 2007
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Cheeze_Pavilion said:
BonsaiK said:
Cheeze_Pavilion said:
BonsaiK said:
This problem has been answered in the Relationship Problem Thread, which is at the following link: ----> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161?page=17#4191524
That's bad advice: guys should definitely worry about being fat and ugly. It matters. And it's not about visual stimuli--it's about imagining tactile stimuli.

I will agree that women are not enticed by a specific body part the way men are, but we're talking about more than enticing a person in: we're talking about going all the way from initial interest to actual attraction. Girls looks at guys smarter and more "holistically" *at first* but once we're beyond first impression, fat and ugly is a pretty big deal breaker.
No it isn't.

My last two girlfriends were fat and not because I just decided to "settle" for them. I actually turned down offers from skinnier girls to pursue them!

Quite a lot of people are genuinely attracted to fat people. Especially the tactile part of it.
My bad--I meant more the part about guys being all that different from girls. You yourself are proof of that!

I still think I disagree about how many people are attracted to fat people, but, I shouldn't have stated it so absolutely: you're right, there are a lot of people who are. However, there are a whole lot who aren't, and a lot of them are great girl/boyfriend material.
Obviously I'm talking in general terms and there are always going to be exceptions when it comes to any observations that I might make about men and women. However, if you want to know what people like sexually, look at porn. "Fat girls porn" is a multi-million dollar industry. There is not a single adult bookstore on the planet that doesn't have pictures or video of overweight women being sold in it for a profit. People aren't buying that stuff just to laugh at it, they're buying it because they dig it.

Of course girls like the physical side too. They do. But that factor in isolation is definitely not quite as important, on average, across the board, with women as it is with men. If it were, Playgirl would have been as successful as Playboy.
 

PeeSoup

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Nov 18, 2009
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Cheeze_Pavilion said:
PeeSoup said:
@Cheeze_Pavilion
You totally smell what I'm stepping in. Thanks for making my advice a bit clearer. I'm not always the best at articulating my thoughts and emphasizing the points I'd like to.
'welcome! What you said reminded me a lot of a post I made a while back--nice to see it's not just my imaginings and that women actually agree with it; it's probably worth linking to in this thread:

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/jump/18.139734.3145839
You hit the nail on the head there. Gj on the visual aids too.
 

Flare Phoenix

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Dec 18, 2009
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By the way, it sounds like this was the first time you tried talking to a girl. You probably sounded all nervous and kept stumbling over your words. You may not think it, but you probably did. Like anything in life it takes practice to get good at it. Think about the first time you learnt to walk: chances are you did not just get up the first time, and start walking perfectly.

You probably started by standing up, and immediately falling back over. The next time you might have gotten a few steps in before falling flat on your face. Follow with so many other falls until you finally managed to start walking on your own. My point is you can't try something once, and expect to be brilliant at it.

Now you may say "Well I talk to girls all the time, so I should be good at it", but talking to a girl casually and talking to a girl you like, and who you want to like you, is a whole different story. Here is the best piece of advice I can give:

Talk to as many girls as you can, even if you have no intention of ever going out with them. First of all, it builds up your confidence talking to women. Second of all, it gets your reputation out there. Women tend to talk with their friends about the guys they meet.

I used to be just like you: worried that no one would like me because I was overweight. Then a friend I meant basically kicked me in the ass, and pointed out the only thing holding me back was my own self-confidence. Some people may tell you looks are important to girls, and they can be at times, but your personality is what really shines through. You're not going to get a girlfriend if you mope around all the time bitching about how you don't have a girlfriend.
 

BonsaiK

Music Industry Corporate Whore
Nov 14, 2007
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Cheeze_Pavilion said:
BonsaiK said:
Obviously I'm talking in general terms and there are always going to be exceptions when it comes to any observations that I might make about men and women. However, if you want to know what people like sexually, look at porn. "Fat girls porn" is a multi-million dollar industry. There is not a single adult bookstore on the planet that doesn't have pictures or video of overweight women being sold in it for a profit. People aren't buying that stuff just to laugh at it, they're buying it because they dig it.
I say that's a false dichotomy. I think they're buying it because...people enjoy watching stuff that fascinates them. Doesn't mean they 'dig it' in the sense that they want it to become a reality, they just take voyeuristic pleasure in it.

Bukkake is a pretty big industry too, but I doubt most guys want to be a part of one!

Of course girls like the physical side too. They do. But that factor in isolation is definitely not quite as important, on average, across the board, with women as it is with men.
I disagree. I think that's just something we take for granted.

If it were, Playgirl would have been as successful as Playboy.
1) women feel inhibited about a magazine advertising itself as blatantly as the Playperson empire. Instead of Playgirl, they buy romance novels with Fabio on the cover. Or they go see Titanic a bajillion times.

Besides--if a woman wants to see a naked man, she...kinda just has to offer to mess around with him. Playgirl is serving the market of women who want to see naked guys but not have sex with them. Playboy is serving the market of men who want to see naked girls, period. That explains a lot! My guess is very few men buy Playboy thinking "man, I want to see a girl naked, but I don't want to have to have sex with a girl just to do that."

And of course the whole issue of how many more women than men want to be the focus of attention in a sexual situation and the guy to take the lead and all those issues.


2) I agree with you that men are more *enticed* by the visual, but that's different from the question of whether looks matter as much.
Guys don't lay down money on fat girls porn because "oh it's so fascinating". If I want to be fascinated by visuals I can go to an art gallery.

Bukkake is different because that's a type of activity rather than a type of person so it's not relevant to the topic.

We'll just have to agree to disagree on the rest. Maybe your experience has been different to mine but I certainly know I've had my own point of view proven to me in practice, over and over.
 

Dogstile

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Jan 17, 2009
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Cheeze_Pavilion said:
Acrisius said:
Besides, it's not the same thing, you have to look at it with the proper perspective. The "N-word" has a lot of history and background. It's sole use was to be insulting and demeaning in so many ways, to the point where it has adopted this meaning. Thus, a non-black person would most likely not use the "N-word" unless he actually means to insult.

However, the word "slut" is just a general description for a type of behavior or life-style. And those who fit in to this description are called sluts. It's pure logic to me, just like there is a word for, say capitalism, and then people called capitalists. Or gay people being called gay. The words themselves are fine, and yet there are ways to say them to use them as insults. Are we gonna go nuts about every time this can happen?
So you're saying using the word "sluts" for certain women is no different than using the word "gay" for homosexuals because there's no history or background when it comes to the word slut.

Okay then...
Pretty much, one is descriptive, and one is insulting. There will always be people who will take offence to being called a slut, but Sorry, that's just they way they live and if they can't handle being called it, they can change. Calling someone the N-word is something they cannot choose nor change, and is used only to insult, which makes it worse