Should I file a sexual harassment claim?

[SanguineSymphony]

People shouldn't over inflate work place flirting. But... If my wife were touched in the manner that you just discribed frequently at work and she looked at it as harmless and fun...

We wouldn't continue being married. And I doubt the intent of the men who initiated that behavior was "innocent".

I don't know if it changes the relevence of my earlier remarks to clarify that I work in a gay bar, so not exactly a "normal" workplace environment.

But I guess it just comes down to knowing the intent behind the action. In my case, the crowded conditions behind the bar kinda cultivates very friendly, hands-on relationships. Probably doesn't translate well to the "real" working world. But some people are more touchy than others - in my case, I know it's innocent. In the OP's case, it seems like he's making a big deal out of nothing.

Obviously, it's something that has to be viewed on a case-by-case basis, because every individual and their interactions are different.

/ramble. I have no idea if any of that made any sense.

Gave me a better understanding of you, your experiences and the context of your message.

So in that way yes it does.

as for OP he's just making a point about double standards so his content is meaningless.

 

[templargunman]

I agree with the majority of posters, tell her to stop first and tell her you're uncomfortable with the situation. Be nice about it too, don't get angry at her no matter what she does.

 

[GreyKnight3445]

blackmail.... it's the only option.

black mail her to do what?

 

[Jamboxdotcom]

EDIT: Oh, I get it now. You're trolling or trying to make a point.

You're not really good at it.

except that it took almost a whole page before most people caught on. so, he's actually pretty good.

Actually, no one seems to have caught on. This guy is quite excellent.

About three or four have... but yeah its way over most posters' head.

you'd think the whole "i'm going to choose to feel this way" thing would tip people off. and if not, you'd think that several people calling him on it would tip off the rest. oh well. like PT Barnum said...

 

[Zero=Interrupt]

I'd say tell her to stop first, before you file a complaint. If she doesn't stop, then file the complaint.

I agree.

 

[sir.rutthed]

LISTEN, why should I have to confront her and talk about it first? It's not fair that I get put in such a embarrassing and awkward situation, because I have done nothing wrong.

I mean, a family friend in his 60s was fired from his six-figure job for patting a female male clerk on the thigh, and she never asked him to stop. Why should I, as a male, have to act differently?

Oh, I see what you did there. Wasn't quite sure till I got to this post, but I am now certain that you are a troll. Looking at the 5 pages of comments, I'd say good trollin' homes.
OT: I say sue. She's not you, so it's not like she's a real person anyways, right?

 

[Brawndo]

lol

ITT: 19/20 people do not read past the OP

she touched your biceps and your hair? OUTRAGE!

seriously though, it's just your hair. get over it.

I'll be sure to tell my future wife and daughters the same thing. It was just your hair that Jim from accounting was stroking against your will, get over it ladies.

 

[MasterChief892039]

Absolutely no one would argue it was sexual harassment if a male coworker grabbed a part of a females body, squeezed it, and asked if she had been working out. That's skeevy and incredibly inappropriate for a workplace.

Ask her once to stop and set boundaries. Make sure she knows you're serious and not just messing with her. If you make it clear that you want the touching/flirting to stop and she continues, I would file a sexual harassment claim. She doesn't have the right to touching you in any way without your consent, gender has nothing to do with it.

If you do file a claim, be prepared to work extra hard on your case, because as you can see in this thread there are ridiculous double-standards for it being 2011. But that doesn't mean that you're not in the right, just that others have some evolving to do.

ps- OP seems slightly sarcastic, though I think it's still a legitimate subject.

but I am going to choose to feel violated and offended instead. I am not a sexual object, and I demand to be taken seriously at my job!
^particularly this.

 

[Eirak]

Now that's interesting, because when a young woman says she doesn't like to be seen like a sexual object and doesn't appreciate "jokes" or "innocent flirt" from her males co-workers, she's called ...hm...what again?

I mean, if a young woman sue her males co-workers because they say she's sexy and looks like Jennifer Lopez and also touched her shinny and so soft hair, you're all fine with that, right? She won't be called "names" by any of you? That's great! So she doesn't have to tell them she doesn't like it...first compliment on how she looks on a Monday morning and she goes fill a claim for sexual harassment, simple as that. The first male co-worker who is being caught to look at her breast for more than 1 sec. is losing his job.

Well I'm glad that you are seeing this the same way I do.

Question: what if... The woman was 20 instead of 50? A really cute girl ruffling your hair and telling you that you were really cute. It would still be harassment but probably half of the persons here willing you to sue that woman would be..."Oh but it's innocent, don't harm her blablabla..."

Now let's be real, have you thought about the consequences? We are not living in a nice loving world. You are a newbie, a male, and about to sue an older co-worker, a woman, who gave much to that company than you so far...So unless everybody there wants her to resign, you are going to put yourself in "some situation"..especially if you didn't try to settle that matter in a gently way first. I know that everybody likes justice but don't be so naive, if you think that all your co-workers are going to support you and you will touch a great deal of money...you are so wrong. They will ostracize you, they will make fun of you, they will harass you in a more insidious way than that woman could do. So if you are to fill a claim for sexual harassment, make sure it is "sexual harassment", that she's touching you in a sexual way against your will. Nobody here saw the scene, if she has just touched you hair while you were blushing and giggling nervously...it might not be taken seriously. I'm not saying she's right to do so, but again, telling her how you feel about it FIRST, is probably the best solution.

Edit: *cough* troll *cough*

 

[Communist partisan]

You should start with... solving your problems alone?

I really don't see the problem here... tell her to stop, problem?

so I'll leave this here to prove how much I care of questions with obvious answers.

 

[duchaked]

err try telling her to stop first
as most people are saying
and then... but eh I wouldn't mind if one of my semi-superiors at the student bookstore hit on me ;p
except she's in her mid (lateish?) 20s I presume heh

 

[Light 086]

There are a few thing to consider.
1) Is she hot?
Go for it. Video tape it for evidence, so you have some contingency in case you split up or things go south.

2) Can she make your life a living hell?
If yes, just shut up and keep your head down. Or go for it and video tape for blackmail (she's higher up then you so it's her ass on the line).

3) Ask your lawyer how strong your case is or How much money you can get from a lawsuit.
If not much or it's not worth the time don't bother.

4) Blackmail her ass!!!
If she's got some pull with the company you could get a raise or more vacation time!!!

5) Blackmail her ass... again!!!
If you can't get any benefits, you can at least get her off your ass.

That's just what I would do though.

 

[Sporky111]

LISTEN, why should I have to confront her and talk about it first? It's not fair that I get put in such a embarrassing and awkward situation, because I have done nothing wrong.

I mean, a family friend in his 60s was fired from his six-figure job for patting a female male clerk on the thigh, and she never asked him to stop. Why should I, as a male, have to act differently?

Because filing lawsuits at the drop of the hat is a big part of what's wrong with modern culture. Seriously, "it's not fair"? Are you kidding? Just tell her to stop, get over yourself. It would be a stretch to call this sexual harassment anyway. She's totally a flirt, but touching your arms and hair isn't enough to make a big deal out of. Tell her to stop.

God that's frustrating. That woman that got your friend fired was probably a gold-digging *****. And if not, definitely a ***** for getting him fired for something like that. Do you really think it's okay to pull a move like that?

 

[teutonicman]

Umm...

Pro Tip: You need posts with more content than this.

I think you should hit on her, unless you're in a relationship or are against this sort of thing. OH! Is she attractive? That's important too.

 

[true story]

dont be a wimp and go toe to toe with her in hopes of having a torrid love affair with a cougar that ends up with her husband finding out and ether running you out of town or divorcing her .

 

[DarkRyter]

No. Lawsuits are for sissies.

If you want your honor back, pistols at dawn are the only option.

 

[Udyrfrykte]

Wow.. What if you got some balls and told her your opinion?
If anything you should do it like a real man:
Suck it up, pork her, videotape it, blackmail her. And take a long shower.

I feel so alienated living in todays society. If you tell someone your opinion on something in a somewhat direct way, it's like.. DRAMA and OFFENDED. God, wish I lived back in the viking era. Rape and plunder suits me better than the sissified world we live in now.

"Dude, I don't like you grabbing my junk. Stop it, aight?" (I'm a dude and this has happened. This guy tried to touch my junk every now and again)

"What's HIS problem? Wow, ISSUES" <-- Noone ever said that afaik, but that's a typical response.

 

[Heathrow]

If you haven't actually expressed to her that you'd like her to stop than filing a claim is slightly frivolous. Although, I'm sure someone else has mentioned that by now.