Spanking your kids and parenting
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Well no shit you have to tell them not to do that. I wasn't saying you should just start beating them without explanation, I was saying just talking to them isn't enough for most children. Most children can only see the world from their own point of view and thus are incapable of realizing what they did was wrong unless doing the action has some sort of effect on them personally. A stern talking to usually isn't enough. Granted, some children are just naturally obedient but I'd say the majority are not this way.Lukeje said:
I would never hit a child just because I was hit, maybe me calling it beating is a bit over the top I come from a Jamaican decent were as my grand parents and mother would be hit with what ever there parents could find I would only get a smack. My mother has never had any resentment towards my grand parents because they hit her and neither do I, I would never consider it "suffering" as I got older I realised I was never hit for anything I didn't deserve had I not been hit I still would of ran across the road and hit my little sister.Lukeje said:
I have a little brother who is 7 I often punish him for misbehaving but I dont just hit him the second he puts a foot out of place but if I have told him to stop doing something and he dosnt listen I will tell him again if he continues he will get a slap in the back of the head thats the sign that he has gone to far and he knows it and will stop or sulk for a bit but he now knows if he dose that again im going to slap him again so he doesn't. In my view thats a positive effect.
Wasn't made clear.fish food carl said:
Define 'drilled'...now my interest is piqued.
And with the kettle?
So he now knows he can walk all over you now?Cheeze_Pavilion said:
That's bad? Grief...did you go private?
That was run of the mill for us.
90% of the time thats all thats needed. When people say spanking, if thats all thats needed thats all it has to be. Many times a child is 'spanked' its so soft it doesnt even hurt, the kid is still shocked its happening and that can be all the punishment needed. People in this thread - dont assume when someones says spanking they mean taking a belt to the kid (although im sure its happened to many here).The Overmatt said:
SOmetimes the kid deserves or needs a bit more, but thats more rare.
added for emphasis.Evilbunny said:
How much experience do you have with children? You are making a lot of generalities here (most/some children). Unfortunately the anonymity of the internet means that for all I know, your generalisations are based on the school playground.
In my experience there isn't a child who won't respond to praise/lack of praise (unless they've already been fucked-up at home do to various circumstances).
I heard it was pretty sexy ^^Lukeje said:
I think you're seeing that the wrong way.Evilbunny said:
Some children are raised well and don't screw up much, but i'd say the majority of parents don't have much of a clue how to raise their children properly.
That's not commenting on smacking your children, but maybe it wouldn't be "necessary" to do if kids were raised better in the first place.
I have to wonder if some of the people that are so against "spanking" or other forms of mild physical punishment actually have kids, and if they do, how they REALLY behave.
I have two children, one daughter who is 6yo (6 and a half if you asked her
), and a son who just turned 4 in September. Now, do I "spank" my children? Technically, yes, I guess I do. But I have never pulled down their drawers and given them a sharp smack on the bare-ass. I think that goes a bit far, and is very demeaning. Well, it's more the act of pulling down a child's pants, that I don't agree with, then the smack part. Is it sexual abuse? I think that is going a bit too far, but it certainly does approach the line. I don't think anyone should ever be demeaned, humiliated, or embarrassed by a parent in any way, let alone as a form of punishment.
Now, when it comes to disciplining our children my wife and I initially both said we didn't want to "spank" the kids, and that we were going to go with time-outs and taking away favored toys. But after awhile we noticed the punishments we were using were no longer effective. So, slowly we introduced new punishments for the most severe and/or reoccurring issues, and only after sitting, taking something away, etc. weren't getting through to them. We eventually came to a light slap on the back of the hand or bottom (through the clothes) as a deterrent, or giving them a drop of hot-sauce when they got really mouthy or wise as an absolute last resort. Both of these punishments we had both received as children, and although we didn't have fond memories of them, that was the point. They worked with us, and here we are...so we used them with our kids and found them to be effective as a "last resort". After the first couple times the threat of it is enough to make them think twice before doing something they know to be wrong.
That's another thing, you can't punish a child if they don't know what they are doing is wrong. Otherwise they won't associate the punishment with the act and will remember it more as the parent being "mean" or unreasonable. I believe that the child needs to be old enough to reason, and understand the difference between right and wrong for any type of "punishment" to be effective. But I've noticed that really before a child is able to do these things, they won't need any form of "punishment" b/c a simple "no", spoken in the proper tone is enough to stop a child.
Basically I feel that every child is different, and has to be handled in a way that is appropriate for the situation. I personally can't imagine a situation where a child would ever need to be hit w/ any type of force, embarrassed, humiliated, put-down, beaten, or anything more serious then that, but that's me. It's not my, or anyone's place to tell other people how to raise their children, and the ONLY time that someone (ESPECIALLY the government) should intervene is when a child is in real, physical or psychological danger.
I have two children, one daughter who is 6yo (6 and a half if you asked her
), and a son who just turned 4 in September. Now, do I "spank" my children? Technically, yes, I guess I do. But I have never pulled down their drawers and given them a sharp smack on the bare-ass. I think that goes a bit far, and is very demeaning. Well, it's more the act of pulling down a child's pants, that I don't agree with, then the smack part. Is it sexual abuse? I think that is going a bit too far, but it certainly does approach the line. I don't think anyone should ever be demeaned, humiliated, or embarrassed by a parent in any way, let alone as a form of punishment. Now, when it comes to disciplining our children my wife and I initially both said we didn't want to "spank" the kids, and that we were going to go with time-outs and taking away favored toys. But after awhile we noticed the punishments we were using were no longer effective. So, slowly we introduced new punishments for the most severe and/or reoccurring issues, and only after sitting, taking something away, etc. weren't getting through to them. We eventually came to a light slap on the back of the hand or bottom (through the clothes) as a deterrent, or giving them a drop of hot-sauce when they got really mouthy or wise as an absolute last resort. Both of these punishments we had both received as children, and although we didn't have fond memories of them, that was the point. They worked with us, and here we are...so we used them with our kids and found them to be effective as a "last resort". After the first couple times the threat of it is enough to make them think twice before doing something they know to be wrong.
That's another thing, you can't punish a child if they don't know what they are doing is wrong. Otherwise they won't associate the punishment with the act and will remember it more as the parent being "mean" or unreasonable. I believe that the child needs to be old enough to reason, and understand the difference between right and wrong for any type of "punishment" to be effective. But I've noticed that really before a child is able to do these things, they won't need any form of "punishment" b/c a simple "no", spoken in the proper tone is enough to stop a child.
Basically I feel that every child is different, and has to be handled in a way that is appropriate for the situation. I personally can't imagine a situation where a child would ever need to be hit w/ any type of force, embarrassed, humiliated, put-down, beaten, or anything more serious then that, but that's me. It's not my, or anyone's place to tell other people how to raise their children, and the ONLY time that someone (ESPECIALLY the government) should intervene is when a child is in real, physical or psychological danger.
Lukeje said:
I've worked at a summer sleep away camp for the past four years as a counselor and I would say the majority of kids there don't stop doing shit if I just tell them not to. I have to punish them in some way (obviously I can't hit them, I punish them by taking away their canteen or something)and sometimes even that doesn't work. I am convinced the majority of these kids could benefit from a good spanking.
Let's see...been a teacher, been a librarian, served kids, been on helper holidays for the underprivileged; family consists of policemen, nurses, teachers, psychiatric nurses.Lukeje said:
In my experience, most children come with a shitload of baggage attached. I've much more loathing for the teachers that embarrassed me than the few that clipped me one.
Common sense. Which has a higher chance of growing up committing crimes - a child with proper discipline at home (of whatever form you deem the most effective) or one who receives no dicipline at home at all with parents who dont care what he or she does.Lukeje said:
Of course the kid with no discipline is more likely to grow up wrong. So it stands to reason that if all kids received proper discipline the percentage of kids growing up wrong and committing crimes would decrease, ergo there are cases where better dicipline at home would have prevented what happened.