The other side of "Girls only date jerks"

[NiPah]

You became a `jerk` to get women?
Lol.
I thought that only happened in shitty movies.

Also, if you changed your entire behaviour and acted like a jerk to get sex, you were kind of a jerk all along.
If you changed your entire behaviour and are now bitching that those women don't know the real you, you only have yourself to blame.

But this is just a movie (or as made up as a movie), it's obvious this guy is just lying to get attention and a thread with a bunch of people agreeing with stuff he just made up. I mean if it's true kudos to him, but somehow the op doesn't seem to be a person who can successfully carry out a social experiment.

 

[GTwander]

confident nice guy

Does not compute.

Anyway, I asked a girl who always complained that the guys she dated were so horrible why she dated them. She said that they pissed her off so much that she couldn't stop thinking about them and just went out with them because of it.

No part of that is logical. Not a single part.

It's not a double standard, trust me.
A lot of guys are into the hard-to-get chicks that tear them down because they "consider it a challenge". Same deal with women, so it stands that the vast majority of people in general are just looking for a terrible relationship.

 

[spartan231490]

Confident nice guy doesn't work. Whatever causes this trend, it goes a lot deeper than just confidence.

Wrong, confident nice guy does work. I dare say I belong in that category, and I had no problems with getting female attention/dates/sex back when I was single. Neither has any other of my friends that share this trait.

Confident "nice guy" doesn't work, though. Although, that combination might not even exist, as one of the defining features of "nice guys" is that they're passive-aggressive, insecure introverts that blame their social shortcomings on the fact that women won't have sex with them just because they're being "nice" (read: doormats).

I didn't say nice guys never get the girl, but there is certainly a trend for women, particularly attractive women, to date douchebags, even if there are confident men interested in them who aren't douchebags. If you haven't witnessed this, I can only congratulate you on your luck.

 

[Toy Master Typhus]

I love how we have turned romance into a self-destructive system.

But ya being a douchebag is easy confidence and women buy into it like heroine. Of course the same could be said to men who buy into the sluttiest slut there. Nice guys are doomed to be walked over and this is how nature intended it.

 

[Lilani]

So why not try being a confident nice guy?

Because for too many people being "nice" means being a doormat.

OT: Nice humblebrag. But at least you learned something. Your next task is to learn that being attractive, confident, and dominant does not have to include "borderline rude douchebag" behavior or betraying who you are as a person. This doesn't have to be an either-or thing.

Yeah, I think there is a fundamental misunderstanding about what "nice" is among many, MANY men. It's like they think being "nice" will make them dull. I know a lot of nice guys, and I don't think any of them are "dull." Yeah there are certain women who will go for the "jerk" type (don't ask me why, I've never experienced this mysterious attraction to douchebags), but the way I understand it these women are usually looking for fuck-buddies, not actual relationships. So, who cares if those women will pass you up for being "nice?" Unless you're wanting to attract the desperately horny/no strings attached crowd, this shouldn't really be a problem.

The only time I've ever seen the "nice girl liked by a nice guy goes out with a jerk of a guy" situation is in movies. I have never seen that play out in real-life, and if it does happen I'm sure it can be rectified by the nice guy just asking her out first, or respecting her space and trying again if that relationship falls through. Because last I checked "nice" on its own simply means "kindly," not "chronically unable to just ask her out." And if for you "nice" does lead to being "chronically unable to just ask her out," then perhaps the douchebags are not the source of your relationship problems.

 

[Naeras]

I didn't say nice guys never get the girl, but there is certainly a trend for women, particularly attractive women, to date douchebags, even if there are confident men interested in them who aren't douchebags. If you haven't witnessed this, I can only congratulate you on your luck.

I think you're hanging out with the wrong crowd if the women you know don't react to douchebags by either laughing at them or falcon punching them.

 

[Lilani]

But hey, it beats the alternative, right? (Dying alone)

Does it?

Yes, it does. Apart from guys who have hormonal problems, all guys need sex, or at the very least female company of an intimate variety. It's genetics.

And yes, being single has its benefits, but they don't outweigh getting your end away regularly. It just seems like they do when familiarity has bred contempt.

Even if you have a crazy amount of sex, you're still going to "die alone" because if all of those relationships were purely for sex, the only thing they really cared about was the fact that you had a functioning penis at the time. They don't care about you as a person, and they certainly aren't going to care about you when you're old and flaccid.

As Vegosiux pointed out, it seems the line between "sex" and "relationships" has already become blurred. Having lots of sex ≠ having a meaningful relationship. You're alone as soon as the sweat dries.

 

[thisbymaster]

I figured this out in college. I had always listened to my sisters on how they kept telling me how not to be like the jerks who would always push them around. But I wasn't listening to what was really happening, they were only dating jerks. I took me years to get their ideas out of my head. Feminism is a lie, women don't want a guy to talk with they want a brutish muscle bound moron with a fire hose between his legs. You are thinking, no way that is just a stereotype, real women are intelligent thoughtful creatures who want the in-touch-with-your-soul type of person. Wrong, women really are just like those stereotypes, it is sad and depressing. Think of it like guys, the stereotype is that men all like women with big breasts and small waists. That is true for the most part as well, for the same percentage of women. If you think that society or people have improved at all, we are all functions on the same level as we have in the cave man days.

 

[Kopikatsu]

confident nice guy

Does not compute.

Anyway, I asked a girl who always complained that the guys she dated were so horrible why she dated them. She said that they pissed her off so much that she couldn't stop thinking about them and just went out with them because of it.

No part of that is logical. Not a single part.

It's not a double standard, trust me.
A lot of guys are into the hard-to-get chicks that tear them down because they "consider it a challenge". Same deal with women, so it stands that the vast majority of people in general are just looking for a terrible relationship.

I just want someone who wants to play video games, read books, and exercise with me. That's it.

Although glasses are a plus. But nice hair is absolutely required. If they have what I would consider to be nice hair, then nothing else matters about their appearance. Even if they're a midget with a prominent cleft and unibrow. (This comes off sounding bad, but I can't think of a way to phrase it to make it unbad. So there you go. There's nothing wrong with being a short person.)

Edit: No, exercise isn't a euphemism for anything. I get a little lazy as far as physical fitness goes unless I have someone else who'll do it with me.

Edit 2: Also, they have to like my jokes and my cooking. Otherwise the deal is off.

Edit 3: I'm willing to compromise from 'Must like my jokes' to 'Is willing to occasionally tolerate them'.

Edit 4: I have too many edits.

 

[Headdrivehardscrew]

Well, it allows you to collect experience/data and make up your own mind about things.

I think that well beats arranged marriage between total strangers or parents bartering for some cousin of yours so things 'stay in the family'.

I find it refreshing, though, that you don't like the shallowness of your experience.

I do hope you'll enjoy love once it comes a-knocking. It's a rather stupid little thing, but relationships based on love and mutual respect eat the shallow and arranged ones for breakfast. Maybe I'm old and boring, but I think random shags are best had before proper relationships and marriage.

Too bad proper love does not seem to be considered very hip these days, and it's therefore rather rare.

 

[The Thinker]

And here I thought that "the other side of girls only date jerks" would be about how jerks only date girls. Boy, was I sure wrong.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

You became a `jerk` to get women?
Lol.
I thought that only happened in shitty movies.

Also, if you changed your entire behaviour and acted like a jerk to get sex, you were kind of a jerk all along.
If you changed your entire behaviour and are now bitching that those women don't know the real you, you only have yourself to blame.

Yeah, this. The OP's plan is going to work... initially. But he'll just end up being a player, dating all the girls complaining about being with jerks, who are, in their own way, players themselves. They don't really want anything serious or meaningful, and there's really nothing wrong with that. However, acting like one doesn't want anything serious or meaningful when one does, just makes one Mr (or Mrs.). Whinypants.

Be nice. Be yourself. And be patient. Eventually someone will come along and actually like you (maybe) if you present it to the world in a truthful and engaging way.

Or just keep drawing fleeting attention to oneself. I imagine that's fun, too, but I wouldn't be especially interested in that lifestyle.

(Also, if the OP is in high school... yeah, this sociopathic plan may be his only key to success. It's really hard to find someone who digs you for you when they don't even know themselves. That's why comparing an environment to high school is usually pretty derogatory. Hey, maybe he'll get lucky and he'll lure in someone he's compatible with.)

 

[Pebkio]

Nice guys are instantly thought of as being weak... even if it's on the subconscious level. Don't be fooled by these optimistics, <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view/Watcheroftrends>Watcher, you indeed have to be some kind of jerk to get the girls.

Disagree with the OP all you want, but you're just fooling yourself. No matter what happens in between meeting someone and marrying them, if you don't, at some point, tell someone what to do and how things are going to be, you will not get the relationship to work. So yes, you have to at least be a controlling jerk. And because of that, being a jerk is attractive. People often confuse themselves by saying the word "confident", but confidence isn't really attractive; it's impressive, but not attractive.

The paradox of my life is that I, at the same time, know this to be true and refuse to accept the fact. So I cut out the whole mess. I'm not going to play some game to appease whatever part of me might feel lonely.

 

[Dr. Doomsduck]

I decided I would attempt to garner the interest of women by becoming a "jerk". I exercised heavily, dressed flashy, and scrutinized my appearance down to the fine details. I began walking with my shoulders back and head held high. I would say to myself "You're king shit dude - everyone wants your attention" whenever I went into social situations. My conversations with women consited of me trying to come up with clever insults that bordered on demoralizing/funny while trying to continually act like I was filled with boundless energy by talking loud and obnoxiously.

The results: It worked. And I hate it. Seriously, it's almost depressing. I'm not the type of guy who really wants to have sex constantly. I like deep conversations and would readily share insecurities if it would give me a greater perspective on life. I can't be who I am, though. I have to be a dominant, borderline rude douchebag to get any attention. It's shallow attention at that, too. I've yet to share any meaningful events with the women I've met. None of them really know me.

I take a step back and get sort of sick knowing that I'm just playing a game intended to produce offspring. I see who I am pretending to be and it's totally pointless. Maybe I take life too critically, but I don't see how a lasting relationship like marriage can come from the stupidity that dating appears to be in our culture.

Has it ever occurred to you that things might be the other way around? That you're overlooking the nice girls who like deep conversations because they didn't turn into a giggling mess after you talked to them, thus giving the illusion of a 'friendzone' or 'disinterest'. Seriously? Assholes attract bitches. If you act like you want a one-night-stand, you'll get the women who don't want you for your personality.

I'm sorry, but as a girl who generally gets overlooked by the men because she wants to be friends before being something more, I'm not inclined to feel for you right now. Next time, try to go in with an open mind, try talking to a woman like she's an actual person, rather than focussing on any further romantic possibilities. Stop trying so hard.

Sure, there are definitely a lot of girls (and boys) out there who aren't ready to commit, who just want that cocky person by the bar. But there is nothing more annoying than a man who is only talking to me because he wants to 'garner my interests', nice, rude, confident, insecure, nerdy, jock-y or otherwise. So, yeah, maybe you'll get a few 'I think of you as my friend' that way but you know what? Being friends with a woman means you've got real connection with her, just one that won't get you laid. Keep trying it like that and then after a few years, you probably will find that lasting relationship.

Egh, apologies for the general rudeness of this post, I'm just a little tired of all those 'women only like jerks' and those 'friendzoned' messages across the internet.

 

[Madgamer13]

Greets!

Oh-ho, this is funny. If you had to change your behaviour to being a 'jerk' in order to 'get women' then I am sorry to break it to you, but you are already a 'jerk'

Listen, I have over 13 years of experience of being a nice douchebag and I have noticed that being a... what was it called... a 'jerk?' Oh, yeah, that is it, does not get you the womens. My slow growth in confidence over those years hasn't seen me get more of the elusive womens either, nay! So, does being a jerk or having overflowing levels of confidence get you the women?

Nay!

I shall speak from my own conclusions, take them as you will; Women seek to go out with men for the exact same reasons that men seek to go out with women, sometimes it is for sex only, sometimes it is for a deeper relationship, and sometimes yet further, people seek to go out with eachother because they want to manipulate their partner and dump the stresses of their lives on them and walk away scot free?

Oh! I hope I didn't trip on a reason as to why you suddenly started to get women when you acted like a 'jerk' Mister Original Poster!

Sarcasm and insult level too high for you? Well, my apologies to you, maybe I am getting too emotional over this, maybe I am just getting annoyed that you are shaking your head at the silly creature known as the woman, proving you right over something that is really pointless.

Maybe the reason you started getting more women, is because those very women believed that the 'jerk' version of you is actually a more truer image of you than even you can properly see? Maybe these women approached you because you dont look like one of these fakers?

Can anyone else see the incredible amount of lies that people coat themselves with when things do not go the way they wanted? It is as sure as the clear of day to me that is the case, because look at all the crazy amounts of overbearing, internet, whining!

I love this stuff, OmNomNom.

 

[DugMachine]

Confidence is what attracts people, not acting like a prick. The more you know!

 

[drisky]

Some girls date other girls, did I just blow your mind?

Girls only date jerks + Some girls date other girls = All lesbians are jerks. My mind is indeed blown

Joking aside, to the OP, the trend that acting like a jerk can get you women obviously doesn't mean all women do it, but yes acting like a jerk does work often enough to get short term sex. For the long term being someone you don't want to be won't make you happier, and being a jerk doesn't help as much when your 30 or looking for commitment. Let the experiment end and just be forward instead, you said you liked opening so that should be easy anyway.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

Why is this surprising?

In all species, the most ruthless male is going to be the best at protecting the female's young and fending off predators. Not all species assign the male that role, but humans do. Whether you (or they) like it or not, that's what females are going to be attracted to. From a reproductive perspective, the ability to have meaningful conversation is in fact meaningLESS.