The Weirdest Thing your GF/BF has said to you?

[Rand-m]

Posted this story a long time ago, so copied and pasted:

"Kay, so I was dating this girl awhile back, and we'd been together, like, 4 months. We're both 15, and this was our first relationship for both of us, so neither of us have had sex before. Now that that's outta the way, onto the actual story.

We were swimming with her two brothers, and being the witty people we were, we told them to see who could hold their breath the longest so we could have some privacy for a few seconds. We started making out, and she wrapped her legs around my waist, but nothing sexual happened. The next day at school, she was scared that she was pregnant.

A 15 year old had no idea what sex was.

I dunno if this is common, but it kinda threw me for a loop. We broke up later that week."

The animal instinct in me (you know, the one with survival of the fittest and all of that) wants me to laugh at her and deem her unworthy of human life.

Now, y'see, the funniest part out of all of that was that after I calmed her down, I told her to go home and watch some porn. What with her being a devout Christian, I think that may have been the tipping point for her dumping me.

 

[Eggsnham]

Posted this story a long time ago, so copied and pasted:

"Kay, so I was dating this girl awhile back, and we'd been together, like, 4 months. We're both 15, and this was our first relationship for both of us, so neither of us have had sex before. Now that that's outta the way, onto the actual story.

We were swimming with her two brothers, and being the witty people we were, we told them to see who could hold their breath the longest so we could have some privacy for a few seconds. We started making out, and she wrapped her legs around my waist, but nothing sexual happened. The next day at school, she was scared that she was pregnant.

A 15 year old had no idea what sex was.

I dunno if this is common, but it kinda threw me for a loop. We broke up later that week."

The animal instinct in me (you know, the one with survival of the fittest and all of that) wants me to laugh at her and deem her unworthy of human life.

Now, y'see, the funniest part out of all of that was that after I calmed her down, I told her to go home and watch some porn. What with her being a devout Christian, I think that may have been the tipping point for her dumping me.

Oh lord, well, at least now she knows, she may be scarred for life, but she knows.

 

[Eggsnham]

In the morning (my girlfriend sleeps over)
her: dont that feel better?
me: whatt? * confused face*
her: *holds up trimmers* its alot friendlier now
me: oh dear god

i sware to god that was one of the most itchiest experiences of my life, she decided to give a "number 1" trim all over :|

bad times

You're supposed to trim anyways, if you want your GF to shave/wax you've got to at least trim.

 

[FactualSquirrel]

"wait a second, I don't exist"

Fun times.

 

[damselgaming]

In the morning (my girlfriend sleeps over)
her: dont that feel better?
me: whatt? * confused face*
her: *holds up trimmers* its alot friendlier now
me: oh dear god

i sware to god that was one of the most itchiest experiences of my life, she decided to give a "number 1" trim all over :|

bad times

You're supposed to trim anyways, if you want your GF to shave/wax you've got to at least trim.

Nice to hear some men have sense.

 

[Eggsnham]

In the morning (my girlfriend sleeps over)
her: dont that feel better?
me: whatt? * confused face*
her: *holds up trimmers* its alot friendlier now
me: oh dear god

i sware to god that was one of the most itchiest experiences of my life, she decided to give a "number 1" trim all over :|

bad times

You're supposed to trim anyways, if you want your GF to shave/wax you've got to at least trim.

Nice to hear some men have sense.

You'd think that would be common knowledge.

 

[NIHILHATE]

When I was eleven my GF told me on our first date that my mum was hot.

 

[Knight of Cydonia]

Considering I have NEVER had a girlfriend, I wouldn't know.

 

[Draxom]

I found it kind of odd when my GF asked me "Did you masturbate today?"

 

[ModsDeleteThisAccountPlease]

Not really my girlfriend, but one of my really close friends says a lot of weird stuff. Here's the most recent, "I know! That book was awesome! I read it in the shower!"

In my head

First off, What?
Second, What?
Third, Did we really need to know that?

She was referencing this book: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cradle_to_Cradle:_Remaking_the_Way_We_Make_Things

The book is printed on a plastic polymer, not paper, and is 100% recyclable into a new book (Pages can be re-used and the ink can be washed off with a chemical, then re-used). It's also water proof, being made of plastic. I took it kayaking once in the Chesapeake Bay with my friends. The thing fell in the water. 10 minutes later, when I was able to pick it up, it was still good.

That books awesome!

Also I dipped it in water just to test if the ink actually wouldn't run. It didn't, and it was warm bath water too.

OT: I've been the loner nerd/weird kid/human encyclopedia since grade 2. You can guess my relationship status.

Single. She's really cool and all, but I'm in the friend zone

 

[Nannernade]

Posted this story a long time ago, so copied and pasted:

"Kay, so I was dating this girl awhile back, and we'd been together, like, 4 months. We're both 15, and this was our first relationship for both of us, so neither of us have had sex before. Now that that's outta the way, onto the actual story.

We were swimming with her two brothers, and being the witty people we were, we told them to see who could hold their breath the longest so we could have some privacy for a few seconds. We started making out, and she wrapped her legs around my waist, but nothing sexual happened. The next day at school, she was scared that she was pregnant.

A 15 year old had no idea what sex was.

I dunno if this is common, but it kinda threw me for a loop. We broke up later that week."

Only one word can sum up that story...
Outstanding... XD

 

[Rand-m]

Posted this story a long time ago, so copied and pasted:

"Kay, so I was dating this girl awhile back, and we'd been together, like, 4 months. We're both 15, and this was our first relationship for both of us, so neither of us have had sex before. Now that that's outta the way, onto the actual story.

We were swimming with her two brothers, and being the witty people we were, we told them to see who could hold their breath the longest so we could have some privacy for a few seconds. We started making out, and she wrapped her legs around my waist, but nothing sexual happened. The next day at school, she was scared that she was pregnant.

A 15 year old had no idea what sex was.

I dunno if this is common, but it kinda threw me for a loop. We broke up later that week."

Only one word can sum up that story...
Outstanding... XD

Not for me. Very, very bad experience for me. Now a lot of my friends think I "took advantage" of her. Not gonna lie though, still really, REALLY effin' funny in retrospect.

 

[Nannernade]

Well... haven't had a girlfriend but I was close once, girl in my highschool and I had gotten to know each other very well, there were... signals so I'm not alright let's work up that nerve... Anyway... a few days later she was like I met the most awesome girl! I think I'm in love with her!

Me: O_O... uh... what... *Tumbleweed rolls by*

 

[GruntOwner]

fap fap fap fap

That's what having never been in a relationship sounds like.

On the one hand, fixed. On the other hand, I am so, so, so very sorry. I couldn't help myself.

On topic, my ex never did anything particularly silly or funny. Well, she said a great many things that were silly, but not silly in the funny sense, silly in the "I didn't even think this through before I voiced it and you're going to be ever so slightly offended by my total disregard for you"... God damn, that's the second post that derailed into a rant.

 

[JokerCrowe]

This thread is really not relevant for me since I haven't had a girlfriend... or boyfriend for that matter... when I think about it do I really have any friends?

My boyfriend always pinches my cheeks and goes "OH DOE DOE DOE DOE DOE!!!!!" really loud. Which is also what he does to his bird whenever she's being especially cute. >_>

I fucking hate that bird.

Ok... that was a bit wierd... (of him I mean) and how exactly did he grab the birds cheeks? Anyway...
WELCOME TO THE ESCAPIST!!
[sub]Just trying to be nice, even if you've already had your official welcoming party[/sub]

 

[amppi1236]

"I knew it, the damn ducks are plotting against us!"

One of the smartest quotes i've seen.
I too think the ducks are against us.
Damn ducks...

 

[Slayer_2]

"That sea-cucumber looks like an uncircumcised penis."

In the middle of a grade 11 bio class. I just stared at her thinking "What... The... Fuck..."

I should add that she pursues sex even MORE then the average teenage guy, so I suppose it's not that surprising, but I was still shocked when she said it.

 

[PinkAngelKitty]

This thread is really not relevant for me since I haven't had a girlfriend... or boyfriend for that matter... when I think about it do I really have any friends?

My boyfriend always pinches my cheeks and goes "OH DOE DOE DOE DOE DOE!!!!!" really loud. Which is also what he does to his bird whenever she's being especially cute. >_>

I fucking hate that bird.

Ok... that was a bit wierd... (of him I mean) and how exactly did he grab the birds cheeks? Anyway...
WELCOME TO THE ESCAPIST!!
[sub]Just trying to be nice, even if you've already had your official welcoming party[/sub]

Idk... she has little grey cheeks. I think he's more just rubbing the feathers that are on her cheeks but he actually just grabs my cheeks. :[

I've had a welcoming party? If there was one for me I wasn't invited :/

 

[Steindorh]

Uhm... nothing too weird, really. I was at a party with my last girlfriend, and I stepped out with a glass of whiskey and a cigar. When I come back in she says "Whiskey and a cigar? You're so old"! my reply : "Wait, you think I'm old?" and she looks at me and goes "Well, why the fuck do you think I'm dating you?". . . I'm four years older than she is, and not old at all =/

 

[RanD00M]

fap fap fap fap

That's what having never been in a relationship sounds like.

On the one hand, fixed. On the other hand, I am so, so, so very sorry. I couldn't help myself.

Not to get into to much detail.But if I were in a relationship,I would still probably masturbate.