The "Yep. I'm definitely going to Hell" moment.

[HentMas]

OK!, my ex-girlfriend kedpt telling me that her best friend wanted to have sex with me, she was a virgin and obviously joking.

so one day, at a party in my house she told me "my friend is ready for you" and pushed me to my room locking the door behind me...

yeah, well, i gave this girl her first experience... but...i have always felt like a jerk after the fact...

i dont even know what to think, i recently met with her by chanse and she basically told me i ruined her life...

never felt as bad as that day....

 

[ShakyFiend]

The time where I told the worst baby rape joke I know, a 9/11 joke and a holocaust joke all in a row.... yep, warm up that spit.

 

[PoliceBox63]

pfft. i wiped my arse with a holy bible. regret it? yeah.

I really want to do that now

OT: Not really anything apart from stealing a lot of money from a shop over a long period of time...

 

[The Funslinger]

Probably the day one of my friends was suffereing with suicidal depression. He siad he would shoot himself in front of me, just so he didnt have to die alone.

Now, I got rather tired of it after three months, and I'll admit, I wasnt in the best mood that day. So when he said that and was going on telling me about how his life was so horrible, I loaded up my 1860 Colt Navy and put it in his hands and told him to "nut the fuck up or shut the fuck up, or I'll do it."

Needless to say he didnt do it. Also needless to say he got over his depression. And of course most needless to say, he lived and we laugh about it now.

That's not bad, and it's probably once of the most effective ways of snapping people out of it. Unless they're threatening to hang themselves, in which case, tying a noose and threading it through ceiling tiles is a little excessive. But yeah, tough love, mate.

 

[Penguinness]

OK!, my ex-girlfriend kedpt telling me that her best friend wanted to have sex with me, she was a virgin and obviously joking.

so one day, at a party in my house she told me "my friend is ready for you" and pushed me to my room locking the door behind me...

yeah, well, i gave this girl her first experience... but...i have always felt like a jerk after the fact...

i dont even know what to think, i recently met with her by chanse and she basically told me i ruined her life...

never felt as bad as that day....

I'm confused, it doesn't sound like a bad thing, does it? It was consensual right?

 

[Ewyx]

I think the only two things that guarantee a trip to hell by christian standards is smack talking the holy ghost and committing suicide. I think I'm fine on both parts.

I do have an odd feeling I will spend some time in purgatory though.

 

[T8B95]

Sooooo many, but one keeps nagging me.

Me and one of my friends were having a conversation. I don't remember what it was about, except that involved my new contact lenses, which I was really happy and excited over, and she seemed kin dof dismissive. She made a comment that I don't remember, and my comeback was "That's because nobody cares about you."

Oh man, I'm coming back as a slug in my next life.

 

[arrow_storm]

For me? I'm not sure. I think it's my imagination. My lack of empathy, my hypocritical hatred of everyone else, my insecurity/superiority problems... The list goes on.

I gotta agree with you there, but as to individual moments, three come to mind:

1- In the movie "The condemned" when a man is pushed out of helicopter and is (uninentionally) skewered on wreakage in the water. I laughed so hard my dad thought I was having an asthma attack.

2- After a particularly stressful day I had to have a blood test. I told the nurse, in no uncertain terms, where she could stick her bloody needle. The doctor told me I made her cry. The worst part was I didn't give a damn.

3- Dead baby jokes. I laughed for almost a full minute at the one on this thread. My favourite is "what is red and white and screams a lot?" I'm (almost) ashamed to admit the answer involves a young child with a razor blade.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

If I typed em all out I'd be here all day.

I get drunk and then sing songs called things like "Starving Children from Africa Time Traveling to the Holocaust" and "Parkinson's"

 

[Quiet Stranger]

Probably the time when I sacrificed my baby brother in the name of the all mighty Satan.

 

[William Dickbringer]

(a really minor one) my friend comes to to me and my other friend in the hallway and talked about a movie she saw in nursing class about an autistic kid who learns how to ride a horse (or something can't remember) and I responded "sounds retarded" my other friend laughed but she looked at me and said "that's not funny"

 

[Oioptyoip]

Laughing at the special Olympics, does that qualify?

 

[ham and red bull]

A russian boy and his father spend their quality time looking for trinkets with a metal detector. Its something they do together, as father and son.

Often times, they will come across sites of old battles, and recover old knives, and military gear.

The last time they went out, the father found an unexploded bomb. While he was trying to dig it up to find out exactly what it was, it went off.

The bomb removed the father's arms at the shoulder, and causes massive scarring on his face and chest, but he survived.



This has to be true...

Because...

In soviet russia, bomb disarms you!

OH GAWD!!!

That shit is fucking funny/sad...

I don't know if I'm crying because it funny, or because I feel guilty!

OT: When I was really young me and my family went to ikea. I saw this grown adult sitting in front of one of those kiddy gaming stations. Turns out he had down syndrome. I felt like shit.

 

[Matthew Wilson]

I have said 'I'm going to Hell on several occasions' but there's one moment that sticks out for me. Me and my friend were out for lunch - we were at school and going to a nearby Greggs. Next to our school is a nursery as we were walking past I jokingly called my friend a **** just as I noticed the kids in the nursery playing outside.

No-one said anything but I felt pretty bad.

 

[rancher of monsters]

I know I've probably done worst, but the one that comes to mind first happened last year. My step-sister was over at my house, being a normal seven year old, meaning she annoyed the fuck out of my jaded joyless soul. At one point she came and told me that her imgaginary frined was pregnant, to which I replied "Tell her to get an abortion."

Luckily she didn't hear me, but that was the day I realized that I was truely evil.

 

[AlexWinter]

I remember when a ginger girl in my French class and I were arguing.

This was in year 9 so I resorted to the 'Your mum' approach.

She said 'My mum's dead.'

I said 'That must be why she didn't move around a lot.'

 

[Somatsu]

Jokes about Nuns. You know, the female monks of Catholicism? Or the myriad of priest jokes involving children. If their religion is right, I'm likely goin to hell for it.

 

[The Wykydtron]

When i came to the conclusion that God must either exist for the luls, not exist at all or have gone insane... Pick one

Well maybe not, God can't read minds ***** and i wasn't stupid enough to voice these thoughts in case i'm wrong XD

 

[Auxiliary]

On my trip to Asia. I decided it was smart to make friends with the local mafia, use drugs, smack a cop and then go back into the club. When I sobered up the next day, I seriously wondered what the fuck had happened the day before.

But I felt less bad once I was forced to pay 100 euros to get my passport back at a police post a week later. Sitting on the back of a scooter while being white is a serious crime, I tell you. After that I only carried paper copies of my passport along with me.

Generally if you travel to Asia on your own, you will most likely end up doing something which will cause you to go to hell. Asia is such a lovely place!