UPDATED!!!! Is she being selfish to want a baby??

[Akkiko]

If you don't want to betray her and you don't want to see him get hurt then remind her that having a child while he's still studying to get a good job will seriously effect the child's future.

"Mommy, I need new shoes."
"I'm sorry honey, we can't afford them."

If she's not completely off her rocker (which I sincerely hope) she'll realize how much pain she's setting both herself, him and their possible child up for.

 

[Chaos-Spider]

@ Daq_90 (please tell me if this is spelt right).

you said this: "You may want to tell her to check the case law on rape by deception in her jurisdiction as this may fall under it if she's misleading him into believing she can't become pregnant." on the first page of the thread.

Can you please explain it to me as I don't quite understand how it ties into rape if they both consented to having sex...Wait, I think I might get it now as the guy doesn't know all the details he can't make a fully informed descision thereby compromising his consent.

As for what the OP asked, it is probably in the interest of the greater good to either convince your friend to tell her partner or tell him yourself.

I would have quoted you, but something appears to be wrong with the quote button as the reply to thread box only appears on the most recent page (as opposed to all) so the Quote button no longer worked on page 1. Has anyone else had this problem, or has the forum been updated and I didn't notice?

 

[Paksenarrion]

She wants a baby while she's 20
and the bf's still in uni
so I feel bad for you, son
the guy's got 99 problems
but a baby shouldn't be one.

 

[Canid117]

Snip

Angry Feminazi Ahoy!

Remember folks, expecting guys to take some responsibility to ensure they don't have kids they don't want is just what Hitler did. Big fan of condoms, old Adolf. Next I'll suggest that it's maybe not a good idea to screw someone you've only known nine months if you're not prepared for the possibility of pregnancy, which is just what Pol Pot used to say.

Godwins law in full effect I see though I said Nazi first so its kind of my bad. You seem to be flipping between the ideals of an extremist feminist and Samuel Parris it is actually very interesting. Many people stop using condoms when they feel there is enough trust because it is more pleasurable for both participants. They obviously felt that there was enough trust between the two for a condom to be unnecessary and she has betrayed that trust. Therefore it is her fault.

 

[Dr. wonderful]

Snip, sadly.

Look, just tell your friend, he your old china right?

If you don't tell him, then it going to get WORSE.

 

[Manicotti]

Nothing? Her life, her choice.

Of all the replies here, this has to be the most militantly juvenile one possible.

OP: Make her tell him, or tell him yourself. This girl is being unspeakably selfish.

 

[RatRace123]

Well, if you're trying to keep it a secret... You kinda failed.
And personally I'd wait 'till at least late 20s, or 30s before having a child.
And yeah, she seems to be selfish.

 

[Turbo_Destructor]

I think she's being pretty unfair. You should only have a baby if both you and your partner feel they are ready for it. I mean, commitments don't really get any bigger than this, and to get it all set up and letting her partner unwittingly walk right into this not knowing until it's too late is pretty wrong. I think you should try your best to discourage your friend from going ahead with the covert pregnancy, as it is really unfair on the boyfriend

 

[Cyberwulf]

Godwins law in full effect I see though I said Nazi first so its kind of my bad.

I was mocking you with sarcasm. Try to keep up.

You seem to be flipping between the ideals of an extremist feminist

Expecting guys to take responsibility for their own semen --> extreme

Many people stop using condoms when they feel there is enough trust because it is more pleasurable for both participants.

Yes, that's what I said before - the guy can't be bothered after a while and expects the girl to chemically spay herself because condoms upset his delicate wee-wee.

They obviously felt that there was enough trust between the two for a condom to be unnecessary

If you stop using a condom fellas, there's a chance your girl could end up pregnant. If you don't use a condom, that's the risk you take. Guess what - the pill isn't foolproof either.

 

[InsanityBaronOfAtrocity]

TELL THE GUY. If you dont you're just as sick as her. You MUST tell her boyfriend. You can't let her ruin her own life, his and the babies for the sake of your friendship.

TELL

THAT

GUY

 

[Arawn.Chernobog]

Yes... please go ahead and keep it secret that she wishes to produce a money-consuming, dream-killing, poop-producing little machine, it's great, especially at young ages when one is seeking out one's own aspirations. I know I'd love to attach myself and cut off all my future plans and aspirations to become subservient to a child especially with my partner lying to me about making saying child... oh what joy that would be, I wouldn't try to sue her and instantly get a divorce without child custody or anything.

 

[Dags90]

Can you please explain it to me as I don't quite understand how it ties into rape if they both consented to having sex...Wait, I think I might get it now as the guy doesn't know all the details he can't make a fully informed descision thereby compromising his consent.

As for what the OP asked, it is probably in the interest of the greater good to either convince your friend to tell her partner or tell him yourself.

I would have quoted you, but something appears to be wrong with the quote button as the reply to thread box only appears on the most recent page (as opposed to all) so the Quote button no longer worked on page 1. Has anyone else had this problem, or has the forum been updated and I didn't notice?

From what little I know about UK law, it involves active deception. The consent to sex isn't considered legally valid because it's only obtained through fraud or deception.

 

[Quantum Star]

Ok, if your mate thought he'd leave her if she told him about her plan outright, what makes her think he'd be more willing to accept it if he didn't find out until the middle of her pregnancy, knowing that she lied to him? Lies like that can easily shatter relationships.

Your mate shouldn't be in such a rush to have children. The two of them should take some time to settle down, take a nice vacation or two, enjoy the time they have while they're still young. Having a child is a huge commitment, not to mention it's a lot of stress. The stress of having a kid so soon would probably do more to hurt their relationship, rather than benefit it.

She should wait a few years until the both of them are comfortable with their jobs and have a steady income to sustain a family (and discuss it ahead of time, of course.)

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

Tell him.

She's made it your problem too by telling you...it's wrong to knowingly let avoidable mess happen, and it's something you would have to live with.

If she is called on it and realises her mistake, you can look back together and laugh at the idiocy someday. If she cuts you out...friends come and go, so go and find some friends with a greater sense of propriety and dignity...people with such a lack of integrity don't make good friends anyway.

-Panda

 

[Iznat]

EDIT: Condoms are fine, but in every relationship there reaches a point where you trust one another enough to go without

No, there comes a point where the guy can't be bothered any more and expects the girl to chemically spay herself because condoms make his wee-wee uncomfortable.

No, that's bollocks.
If guys get like that then THEY'RE the selfish ones.

Just because you've never had a halfway decent relationship doesn't mean that all men are out to some day convince you to let them go bareback or put it in your pooper.

If you're in a relationship long enough, and feel like you are ready to take the sexual aspect further, you end up talking about alternate means of contraception.

If the guy is buying Magnum condoms to sooth his ego and the friction of them nearly coming off makes his junk sore, that's something he should think about.

 

[Phoenixlight]

Tell her that if she doesn't tell him you will.

 

[13lackfriday]

I'll give you the advice I learned from growing up in the hood.* Finish school, get a degree, and a stable job or end up living paycheck-to-paycheck supporting a family too big for your means.

Anything "happens," before then, abort its ass.

Ordinarily, my reponse would be "DRAMA BAD! RUN!", but I'll make an exception in this case and channel my Paladin while I do it (Paladins are Lawful Good and hold subterfuge/deception in the utmost comtempt).

Deception is bad. Period. It is your duty to alert your friend to what is going on, even if it makes things uncomfortable with your other friend. Being complicit in a lie is as bad as lying yourself.

If you wrote a Bible, I would study its text daily and carry it with me wherever I go so that I could live accordingly to its doctrines and follow in the footsteps of my Saviour, The Holy Paladin.

*(actually just from a single viewing of Coach Carter)

 

[Jeff Gibson]

Tell him.

She's made it your problem too by telling you...it's wrong to knowingly let avoidable mess happen, and it's something you would have to live with.

If she is called on it and realises her mistake, you can look back together and laugh at the idiocy someday. If she cuts you out...friends come and go, so go and find some friends with a greater sense of propriety and dignity...people with such a lack of integrity don't make good friends anyway.

-Panda

I never thought I would say this...

I agree with the panda.