Your Daughter's Date is Picking Her Up For The Prom....

[Chicago Ted]

"My daughter? You mean my son, right?"

Edit: Oh, and I probably would just stand there with my butterfly knife and just calmly flick it around my hand while making conversation.

 

[skitzo van]

"Lad, this dildo is VERY scared to me, use it wisely"

*gives him an orange while wearing assless chaps*

 

[Aur0ra145]

This supposedly happened to a friend of mine (he's 98% of the time a reliable source of information and stories.) Let's call him Dan.

Dan went to go pick up his date for Sky ball or something, it was a formal thing for the military (he's in the Army.)

So, while Dan was waiting for his date to finish getting ready, his dates father took him into his office. Dan looking around the room noticed a few pictures of the father in Vietnam. Thus Dan ventured to ask, "Were you in the service?" To which the father replied, "Yes I was, but that was a long time ago."

This interested Dan, himselfing being in the military he pressed, "What did you do in Vietnam?" To which the father said, "Lots of things, I've got a scrap book of some old pictures if you want to take a look."

Dan said that'd be alright so the father started showing Dan pictures of different units and places he had went.

Turning another page, an image which Dan said he will never forget stared back at him, it was a photo of his dates father playing volleyball with other soldiers, using a human head as a ball.

At this point the father said, "If you so much as have an indecent thought about my daughter, I'll call up my buddies from the SOG, buy a case of beer and use your head to play volleyball."

 

[Jedoro]

When he answered the door, I'd answer with a 1911 trained on him, and when he came inside I'd pat him down at gunpoint, then have him sit down across from me in the living room and I'd question him about the night, still at gunpoint. I'd then tell him that I'd be staying awake to make sure he brought her home safely, and I'd pat him down again at that point. If that didn't put some fear into him, I dunno what would.

 

[Shock and Awe]

Wow, I have a first date tonight and this really isn't helping. It was her idea to watch a movie at her place, and mom and dad are home....Aah the pressure

Just be polite, confident, and don't let the parents see you making your move and you will be fine, trust me.

 

[BaldursBananaSoap]

I'd just follow in a ghillie suit and binoculars. I'd make sure they both saw me too.

 

[Spiner909]

Give em space. I mean, c'mon.

 

[almostgold]

"If she didn't have the Clap, I'd make some big deal about you not having sex with my daughter. Have a nice date!"

 

[teutonicman]

My friend just said he would tell the boy he looks a lot like the guy he raped in prison.

You guys got anything funny to say?

Your buddy is awesome. I'd bring him to the kitchen and and show him a mickey of scotch and a bullet. Then I would say "Depending on how you play your cards tonight you will be leaving this house with one of these two items in you when you return my daughter home."

 

[God's Clown]

"So a quick question. You ever been shot before? I hear it hurts quite a lot." Say that while you have a gun holstered to your side, or in your hand.

That will teach them.

 

[sage42]

Spoiler: Everything the guy in this video does

This.

Take him to one side and say "She is my baby girl, so if you have any ideas about kissing or hugging you just remember one thing, I ain't afraid to go back to prison"

This.
Well pretty much those two, or something that I would think up the night before, assuming I know about said date. I would also try to get my wife (assuming I have one in this scenario) in on it.

 

[historybuff]

I'd tell him that if he hurts her he'd better give his soul to God and hope the police get to him before I do. I have no problem shooting and killing a little punkass.

 

[Ganthrinor]

I'd give the kid a pointed look and hand my girl a combat knife and tell her to "let him drop his pants, slip this in his thigh, turn it. That way the wound won't close...".

Bonus points for quote reference, kiddos!

 

[SomeBritishDude]

"If you fuck her I'll cut off your testicals. Have a good night."

 

[Yeq]

If he's not driving, give him a drink (probably a beer; not a gender thing, just easiest) and give her one as well, and tell them both to have fun.

Failing that, tell him my favourite wrestler is Chris Benoit. Refuse point blank to explain further.

 

[rainman2203]

I'd probably do something like my former gf's dad did when I picked her up.

"I trust Nathan. He's a good kid, and he knows that if he tries anything I'll tear off his head and shit down his throat."

The guy has actually been to prison, so I took him seriously.

 

[TOGSolid]

To paraphrase Bill Engval, I'd pull the young lad to the side, and whisper quietly "Just remember, I ain't got no problems going back to prison." I'd be playing either an unloaded gun or one of my butterfly knives just to add to the illusion.

 

[Pegghead]

Well considering how uptight I get about my older sister dating I think I'm already going to like this thread.

I think the best way from deterring my daughters date would be to call him over as he's about to leave (And I'd do this on the ones that seemed the most innocent and well-behaved) and him a pack of condoms, and just whisper into his ear "Penetration is overrated".

Or if they seemed like some kind of macho man who wanted nothing more than getting to third base faster than Casey Blake I'd say something clever like "Touch my daughter and I will kill you". Or I'd say something original like "How good are you with a sword" as I look over the fencing trophies I'd have to get done up.

 

[Deleted]

I'd whisper to him, "she likes it from behind, surprise her", which will suggest many many things.

 

[Insanum]

I'd tell him about my prom night, And lead him to believe i was taken by a guy & all that (i wasnt, But imagine the mental scarring).

Or just hold up a tux with the crotch burnt out. Then give him Evils.