Best Chuck Norris Jokes?

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Mar 26, 2009
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Hmmm don't normally like them but I liked this one "Chuck Norris once destroyed the entire periodic table. He only recognises the element of surprise."
Right I'm off to hang myself.
 

WinkyTheGreat

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Sep 6, 2008
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When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.

Always liked that one even though these jokes do get old after a while.
 

Christemo

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Jan 13, 2009
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Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. the bar was instantly destroyed as that level of awesomeness cant be contained in one building.

Chuck Norris played a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but the Grim Reaper is too scared to tell him.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, as he only recognises the element of suprise.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
 

Zombie_Fish

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Mar 20, 2009
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Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.

Chuck Norris doesn't read. He just stares at the book until it gives him the information he wants.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

A unicorn once kicked Chuck Norris. That's why they no longer exist.
 

soren7550

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Dec 18, 2008
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If you and Chuck Norris each had only one dollar, Chuck Norris will still have way more money than you.

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down.

Chuck Norris like to knit sweaters. And by knit I mean kick and by sweaters I mean babies.
 

Vanguard_Ex

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Mar 19, 2008
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Idlemessiah said:
Did you know? theres no such thing as a lesbian?

Just a woman who hasn't met Chuck Norris.

(YES 1st post ever is a chuck norris joke. im just too cool *dies*)
You joined in february and that was your first post? No wonder your name is idlemessiah ;D
 

runtheplacered

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Oct 31, 2007
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EcoEclipse said:
Cheesus333 said:
Chuck Norris found another word for synonym.
Alternate, substitute, alternative, equivalent, euphemism.

I guess I'm Chuck, then?
Nope. None of those words mean the word "Synonym". You'd have to put the word "word" at the end of each of those, in order to have the same definition as synonym. "Alternate word". "Substitute word". "Alternative word". "equivalent word".
 

Zombie_Fish

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Mar 20, 2009
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If it looks like chicken, feels like chicken and tastes and smells like chicken but Chuck Norris says it's beef, then it's f*cking beef.
 

ZorroFonzarelli

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Jan 5, 2009
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I GOT IT:

Chuck Norris' sperm is so powerful, he once had sex with Nicole Kidman; seven months later, she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion...
 

Fingerprint

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Oct 30, 2008
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Christemo said:
Chuck Norris played a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but the Grim Reaper is too scared to tell him.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
These are genius. I know a guy who prints T-Shirts... maybe I'll give him a call.
 

Tyrann

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Dec 25, 2008
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Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 

TheLastCylon

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Apr 14, 2009
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There was no such thing as the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima, the Enola Gay simply dropped Chuck Norris into the city.
 

CyberTaco

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May 20, 2009
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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of his head.
 

Doomdiver

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Mar 30, 2009
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In stories Jesus may have been able to walk on water but in real life Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
 

NattyMichael

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Apr 1, 2009
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apsycogerbil said:
since 1940,the year of chuck norris' birth, round-house kick related deaths have gone up 100000000 percent
if you see chuck norris chuck noris sees you, if you cant see chuck norris you have 2 seconds to live
over exageration went up by a million percent from last year

sorry lol

and

there is no ctrl button on Chuck Norris's computer Chuck Norris is always in control