Best ZP moments
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Age of Conan Episode :
Thindarella , The necromantic naturist
And also the complaining about the time he could have spent instead of playing MMORPGs
"I could write a best selling book or raise a child or pound nails into my face"
and from orange box episode: Half life 2 Episode 2 Manchester United 0
Team fortress 2.....Liverpool 3
Thindarella , The necromantic naturist
And also the complaining about the time he could have spent instead of playing MMORPGs
"I could write a best selling book or raise a child or pound nails into my face"
and from orange box episode: Half life 2 Episode 2 Manchester United 0
Team fortress 2.....Liverpool 3
"But quite frankly, fuck you if you want a STORY, here's your STORY, demons over there, KILL THEY ASS!"
theres a gun that shoots shurikans and lightning
i wish i could make that up is shoots shurikans and lightning it would only be more awsome if it had tits and was on fire
i wish i could make that up is shoots shurikans and lightning it would only be more awsome if it had tits and was on fire
"Maybe I can command the tides to turn back and ride a winged marshmallow to the sherbert kingdom."
"Heaven knows what would happen if you spread branston pickle of No More Heroes perhaps the universe would end.... AND IT WOULD BE AWESOME!"
"Heaven knows what would happen if you spread branston pickle of No More Heroes perhaps the universe would end.... AND IT WOULD BE AWESOME!"
The "triple cunted hooker" sequence when it flashes "It must get messy down there that time of month" for a split second.
Also, the "jesus Loves game traders Robina and so should you!" Did anyone else manage to catch that?
Also, the "jesus Loves game traders Robina and so should you!" Did anyone else manage to catch that?
"The first step is to be, or move in with, someone who can draw. Forcibly if necessary. If you don't know anyone who can draw, and you yourself draw like a flipper-handed freak child who's just discovered MS paint, no problem, just write excessive amounts of dialogue and hide the hideous art with huge speech bubbles. If you don't know how to draw or write, or are a functionally retarded quadruple-amputee who can only communicate by banging your head against a Wacom tablet, that's still no reason to quit. You can wipe your ass with a page of Mega Man sprites and there'll still be someone on Comicgenesis who will tell you that it's brilliant. The next step is to create your main character, and since it's important to write what you know, the main character will obviously be you. But while you are a repressed, socially retarded dullard whom no one would ever honestly admit to liking, your author insertion character is a fantasy, and so they will be a charismatic eccentric who is unconditionally loved by everyone, even while he's setting their dog on fire. The second character is the straight man. It's his job to act as comic foil for the other character's bullshit and inexplicably tolerate his behavior when any sane person would be checking the "Rooms to Rent" pages with one hand and slamming the idiot's face in a drawer with the other. The third character is the girl. You know girls, those mysterious creatures you see on the bus, who have their own bathrooms and spray stinging liquid in your face. If you don't know much about girls because your conversations with them don't last for more than a few minutes before the police are called, just use your mum as a frame of reference, characterizing your female character as a disapproving, eye-rolling nanny who tolerantly wipes up the whoopsies of the idiot man-children and chastises them with the occasional spanking."
"It just struck me that whenever there's a sandbox crime game, it's always the same gangs: Italians, Yakuza or street gangsters. You're always either going on about respect, honor, or wearing your belt around your thighs. You know what there needs to be? A sandbox crime game where you play a Batman villain. You run around doing dastardly crimes equipped with freeze rays and jet packs, completing story missions that lead up to you building a giant, brightly colored doomsday machine shaped like a top hat or something. Then Batman comes along and beats you up, because you forgot to strap him in to your overly elaborate slow-moving deathtrap, then you mysteriously evade capture in order to come back and do it all again next week. Sadly, mankind has yet to recognize my genius, which is incidentally the title I had in mind for this project."
"Saint's Row 2 shows a much better understanding of its audience. It is fully aware that most gamers are dickheads, and if you give them any kind of freedom, their first instinct will be to abuse it. If you give them guns, they will shoot old ladies. If you give them cars, they will run over old ladies. If you give them aircraft, they will ascend to the highest possible height and hurl themselves out, onto an old lady. And if you give them customizable outfits, their first instinct will be to take off all their clothes and run around the streets hip-thrusting in the faces of old ladies. If you try to stop them doing all this, they'll hate you for it."
"I could mention the hugely satisfying penis extension gun that pins baddies to walls with entire trees, but all you really need to know is that there's a gun that shoots Shurikens and lightning."
The ending credits of the Prince of Persia Retrospective.
Let's see here....
"... And whistled for a baboon!" (S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Clear Sky)
"But the winner of the 2007 best invisible dumbfounded prick award is none other than the main guy from 2K's steampunk objectivist philosophyfest Bioshock. Now there's a lot of criticism that can be levelled at him: He's a *****, he's an alcoholic, he has some very strange ideas on how to treat small children, but all of this is countered by the fact that he has a magical hand that shoots bees. And this is why he takes the prize; because no matter who you are, the moment you're compared to a magical hand that shoots bees you're going to fucking lose." (Yahtzee Goes To GDC)
"... Yeah, it's pretty good." (Fallout 3)
"-by going 'Oh, look it's a doggy! Mash up his widdle face and call him chips!'" (Fable 2)
" If you give them guns, they will shoot old ladies. If you give them cars, they will run over old ladies. If you give them aircraft, they will ascend to the highest possible height and hurl themselves out... Onto an old lady. And if you give them customizable outfits, their first instinct will be to take off all their clothes and run around the streets hip-thrusting in the faces of old ladies. " (Saint's Row 2)
"God knows what would happen if you spread Branston pickle onto No More Heroes. Perhaps the universe would end... And it would be awesome." (No More Heroes)
"We see Nariko Standing on a cliff overlooking some prime riverside property soliloquizing some motivation concerning her father and revenge and how the place below her is full of evil dudes she intends to slit up. Of course, at this point we only have her word for that; for all we know it could be a puppy obedience school with an unusually large security detail but what the hell, okay." (Heavenly Sword and Other Stuff)
"She then adds with a perfectly straight face, 'We may need you to play twing-twang.' My first thought when I heard that was 'I am so going to quote that out of context' but on reflection it doesn't make a whole lot of sense in context either. If the developers were hoping I'd consider buying the full game just to see what 'Twing-Twang' is then mission fucking accomplished I suppose, but I'm going to be very disappointed if it isn't a cutesy euphemism for lesbian cunnilingus yeah I went there." (Heavenly Sword and Other Stuff)
"... And whistled for a baboon!" (S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Clear Sky)
"But the winner of the 2007 best invisible dumbfounded prick award is none other than the main guy from 2K's steampunk objectivist philosophyfest Bioshock. Now there's a lot of criticism that can be levelled at him: He's a *****, he's an alcoholic, he has some very strange ideas on how to treat small children, but all of this is countered by the fact that he has a magical hand that shoots bees. And this is why he takes the prize; because no matter who you are, the moment you're compared to a magical hand that shoots bees you're going to fucking lose." (Yahtzee Goes To GDC)
"... Yeah, it's pretty good." (Fallout 3)
"-by going 'Oh, look it's a doggy! Mash up his widdle face and call him chips!'" (Fable 2)
" If you give them guns, they will shoot old ladies. If you give them cars, they will run over old ladies. If you give them aircraft, they will ascend to the highest possible height and hurl themselves out... Onto an old lady. And if you give them customizable outfits, their first instinct will be to take off all their clothes and run around the streets hip-thrusting in the faces of old ladies. " (Saint's Row 2)
"God knows what would happen if you spread Branston pickle onto No More Heroes. Perhaps the universe would end... And it would be awesome." (No More Heroes)
"We see Nariko Standing on a cliff overlooking some prime riverside property soliloquizing some motivation concerning her father and revenge and how the place below her is full of evil dudes she intends to slit up. Of course, at this point we only have her word for that; for all we know it could be a puppy obedience school with an unusually large security detail but what the hell, okay." (Heavenly Sword and Other Stuff)
"She then adds with a perfectly straight face, 'We may need you to play twing-twang.' My first thought when I heard that was 'I am so going to quote that out of context' but on reflection it doesn't make a whole lot of sense in context either. If the developers were hoping I'd consider buying the full game just to see what 'Twing-Twang' is then mission fucking accomplished I suppose, but I'm going to be very disappointed if it isn't a cutesy euphemism for lesbian cunnilingus yeah I went there." (Heavenly Sword and Other Stuff)
"The Medal of Honor series has been going on since 1999, meaning that it has officially been going on longer than the actual Second World War did" (Medal of Honor: Airborne)
"The root problem with Christianity is that their god is supposed to be all powerful and benevolent. It sounds like an easy sell, but when life turns completely to shit, you have to come up with all kinds of wacked out reasons for why kindly old Jehovah saw fit to run little Timmy over with a conbine harvester and leave him in a state of vegetable liveless agony for eighteen years" (Too Human)
"No matter who you are, the moment you're compared to a magical hand that shoots bees you're going to fucking lose" (Yahtzee goes to GDC)
"It's an idea that many people seem to latch on to. That if you were created by some kind of god, then obviously he did it because he loves us so huggy-muggy much. Never are the holes in this theory more obvious than while playing god games because when it seems that when you place most people in the position of a god and give them responsibility over many tiny lesser beings then their attitude towards them is usually less about beloved children and more about target practice" (Sim City Societies)
"The root problem with Christianity is that their god is supposed to be all powerful and benevolent. It sounds like an easy sell, but when life turns completely to shit, you have to come up with all kinds of wacked out reasons for why kindly old Jehovah saw fit to run little Timmy over with a conbine harvester and leave him in a state of vegetable liveless agony for eighteen years" (Too Human)
"No matter who you are, the moment you're compared to a magical hand that shoots bees you're going to fucking lose" (Yahtzee goes to GDC)
"It's an idea that many people seem to latch on to. That if you were created by some kind of god, then obviously he did it because he loves us so huggy-muggy much. Never are the holes in this theory more obvious than while playing god games because when it seems that when you place most people in the position of a god and give them responsibility over many tiny lesser beings then their attitude towards them is usually less about beloved children and more about target practice" (Sim City Societies)
I would remanke the prequel trilogy so that Darth Vader uses the force to win break dancing competitions
"It means that new players don't feel alienated by those tiresome obsessive who are mastering the fiddly little bastards while everyone else is out having sex with girls" - Grenades
The Orange Box.
The Orange Box.