Poll: How do you feel about friends with benefits?

[aba1]

I don't think many people can handle it properly but I mean if you find it works for you and your partner go for it.

 

[Circleseer]

I've seen relationships like that around me a bunch of times. They either end up turning it into in a serious relationship eventually, or they get into a serious relationship with someone else. I've never seen friends with benefits work for a long period of time.

Then again, maybe that was never the point of it to begin with?

I suppose you can be friends with benefits without ruining the friendship. Though I don't think you can be without changing the friendship on some level.

Personally I love solid, long-term relationships, and feel that they can deliver a net gain - you can get more out of it than the both of you invest in it.

 

[rasputin0009]

Completely circumstantial. I've had fuckbuddies work great for months, and I've also had ones that have gone to complete shit. The ones with acquaintances usually work out the best cause you can end those easy if either of you want something else.

I fucked one of my best friends a couple of times, and I didn't realize that she was in love with me beforehand (even though we agreed that we wanted nothing serious). And then she told me she wanted a serious relationship. So I stopped talking to her which obviously hurt her feelings because that's a dick move on my part. But it worked. About 6 months after that, we got back to being best friends. But holy fuck was she good in bed, probably cause we already knew what each other liked. And know we wingman each other in the bar sometimes.

Fuckbuddies also helped flunk my second year of engineering. There were three girls who were friends that lived on the same floor as me in residence. I started a friends with benefits relationship with the one. And then she referred me to one of her friends. So I'd alternate between the 2 on different days. And then they got the third to join in on this love triangle. Not once did I have a threesome though. And somehow that situation didn't blow up in my face. Except for the whole failing school thing because I was too distracted.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Also make me think I wasn't good enough to be someone's actual girlfriend but good enough to shag...seems super depressing to me :S

Well, that's why it has to be mutual. If you went in hoping to become the person's girlfriend, then that's isn't an honest way to enter a Friends with Benefits arrangement.

Rather, you'd have to go in not wanting that person to be your romantic partner, but wanting them to be your sexual partner.

Honestly, I've found it easier to have a good Friends with Benefits situation once I was already in a relationship. That way, I was clearly romantically involved with party X, while only sexually involved with parties Y and Z.

Of course, that requires an open relationship of some sort. Well, assuming you don't want to cheat on your partner, anyway.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

A man was 'friends-with-benefits' with his ex. He said that when the ex. started crying , missing their relationship, and started to confide in him, he just left quickly and then laughed about it; saying that when she started doing that annoying stuff it was time to leave. I thought that story was a bit disturbing and it's stuck with me. That doesn't seem like 'friends-with-benefits' at all, doesn't even sound like 'friends' - it just sounds cruel.

Ugh. Yeah, that's not Friends with Benefits. That's Ex Sex. Which can be okay, or it can be depressing, or it can be fucked up (as your example seems to be).

In Ex Sex, you had a previous relationship that ended and further sexual contact is casual (or not) because of the previous intimacy.

Friends with Benefits typically only applies when the sexual component is added on top of some sort of existing friendship without any previous sexual activity.

Both are distinct from "Fuck Buddy"

A Fuck Buddy is someone you know know as a sexual partner, but have no interest in dating or being friends with outside of occasional sex because you have little/nothing in common aside from sex.

The first person I ever had sex with was one of the first friends I made in highschool.
Eight years later and I have seen many girlfriends come and go, but that friend is still my friend. And we still have sex when we are both single.

Ah! Here's an excellent example of the archetypical Friends with Benefits. Friends first, have sex casually when not attached. The friendship is core, the sex is corollary.

 

[FoolKiller]

While it was just friends with benefits, we agreed to only have sex with one another.

that sounds like a relationship....

Not really, it just keeps it clean. Its a pragmatic thing. Relationships involve feelings and everything. Dating others is not a problem but once sleeping with others it would be complicated. STD/STI issues become a nuisance.

 

[Ryan Minns]

I think it's great and can actually save some friendships. Some people feel obligated to be in a relationship for sex so because they want to fuck their friends they may often try to pursue a romantic relationship first out of obligations. Friends with benefits could save friendships if used correctly.

Personally I'm a relationship guy though. I am incredibly (it dominates my every thought) sexual and I've done the friends with benefits thing, I've done the different girl a night thing and even hooked up with identical twins once but in the end none of it was for me (most likely due to my reasons for doing it) I wanted the closeness, I want the warmth of having a romantic partner I can hold close and now that I have one I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

 

[Entitled]

I'm too old fashioned for it, or even for liking that it appears in other people's lives.

As long as it actually *is* a close intimate relationship, just not formally called one, that makes it more tolerable, but the lack of commitment still bugs me.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Personally I'm a relationship guy though. I am incredibly (it dominates my every thought) sexual and I've done the friends with benefits thing, I've done the different girl a night thing and even hooked up with identical twins once but in the end none of it was for me (most likely due to my reasons for doing it) I wanted the closeness, I want the warmth of having a romantic partner I can hold close and now that I have one I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

Sounds like fun. ^^

Have you considered trying to find the best of both worlds? Getting into a relationship with someone as sexually expressive as you, and then swinging (ie, having sex with other singles or couples casually)?

That was my solution to a similar issue. Now my spouse and I can have all the fun sex we want with whomever, without giving up the closeness, intimacy, and long-term comforts and closeness of a long-term relationship. Been together over 10 years now.

 

[Happiness Assassin]

I have only seen two accounts of this. One worked out fine, where they hooked up when they felt like it and kept things casual. Another that was torn apart by jealousy. So I really wouldn't know. I would guess that it is exclusively up to each individual case. For me, I prefer a more secure and monogamous relationship.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

Also make me think I wasn't good enough to be someone's actual girlfriend but good enough to shag...seems super depressing to me :S

Well, that's why it has to be mutual. If you went in hoping to become the person's girlfriend, then that's isn't an honest way to enter a Friends with Benefits arrangement.

Rather, you'd have to go in not wanting that person to be your romantic partner, but wanting them to be your sexual partner.

Honestly, I've found it easier to have a good Friends with Benefits situation once I was already in a relationship. That way, I was clearly romantically involved with party X, while only sexually involved with parties Y and Z.

Of course, that requires an open relationship of some sort. Well, assuming you don't want to cheat on your partner, anyway.

I could never do that but I'm not pretty so it's hard enough for me to attract one guy.

I certainly don't look down on anyone who has those kinds of relationships as long as it's mutual and they aren't being 'led on' emotionally as it were.

 

[thejackyl]

It depends on the two people involved.

It wouldn't work for me, since I pretty much need a non-physical attraction before I try to have a physical one. I mean the whole sex with no relation ship is pretty much why I broke up with my last 2 girlfriends.

That being said: If both parties are capable of keeping their feelings out of the picture and can deal with it being a physical relationship only than it can work.

Its just not for me.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I could never do that but I'm not pretty so it's hard enough for me to attract one guy.

Awww. **hugs**

Although that isn't necessarily true. One of the women I sometimes swing with isn't very pretty, but she acts with confidence. That's usually advice for guys, but it works for us too. She's had a boyfriend for **does some mental math** 6 years and had five other sexual partners (my spouse and I included) during that time.

I certainly don't look down on anyone who has those kinds of relationships as long as it's mutual and they aren't being 'led on' emotionally as it were.

Yeah, that's an issue. I once (back in under-grad college) had a male friend (and very occasional Friend with Benefits) who started sleeping with another woman. I asked if they were dating, and he was like "nope, just casual sex" so I was like "oh, okay."

I learned later that she had NO IDEA. She thought they were dating, and had no idea he was sleeping with other people. When she told him she was falling in love with him, he told her he only considered her a fuck buddy and dumped her, breaking her heart. Later, she and I became good friends.

Interestingly, several years later, she entered into a Friends with Benefits relationship with her roommate which she's been in for... eight years now? They're practically common-law married, but (last I spoke with her about it) they're still considering one another Friends with Benefits.

Anyway, just agreeing with you about how both parties need to be aware of what they're getting into. It's the worst when one person lies and leads the other on. That isn't fair. An arrangement not entered equally is always a bad idea.

 

[RedDeadFred]

"opinion are like ass holes, everyone has one."

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002132/ Sorry, I had to be a smart ass.

OT: If both people are mature adults then I'm sure it could work quite well. However, if either of them are immature drama queens/kings, it will probably end in a messy way.

 

[Ryan Minns]

Sounds like fun. ^^

Have you considered trying to find the best of both worlds? Getting into a relationship with someone as sexually expressive as you, and then swinging (ie, having sex with other singles or couples casually)?

That was my solution to a similar issue. Now my spouse and I can have all the fun sex we want with whomever, without giving up the closeness, intimacy, and long-term comforts and closeness of a long-term relationship. Been together over 10 years now.

I don't think I could manage something like that. I can't see anything wrong with the idea at all but I just don't think I could do it these days. Does seem like a very rewarding set up you've got though, I've seen way too many men and women lock themselves into something and being unable to express themselves sexually. it's depressing to watch since sex is a very enjoyable aspect of life.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

snip

I've kind of accepted I'm just gonna be alone tbh. It's not that bad there is more to life. I was engaged for 7 years but he hit me a lot cos I couldn't get pregnant.

I don't really get sleeping with people other than your boyfriend but I certainly don't judge anyone for it

 

[game-lover]

I have no real feelings about this one way or the other.

Even of the belief that I'd probably never be someone who could do it, I still have no real opinion. It's just one of those things...

 

[Tyler Trahan]

I just got out a relationship where my fiancee of 4 years dumped me... so I'm not looking for anything "Serious" right now. I NEVER thought I'd be into the whole "friends with benefits" thing, but I have a couple situations brewing and so far so good.

 

[Flamezdudes]

What i've never understood is how it actually happens. How do you bring up this suggestion to a friend? How does a discussion on doing this even pop up? How does it actually happen? Seriously?

I have no problem with the idea, but it's clearly not for everyone. Not sure whether i'd be able to do it or not, i've only ever had one girlfriend and i've never done anything friends with benefits wise with my friends.

 

[Vault101]

No, you're not.

That doesn't mean I wouldn't, but you are by no means obligated to do anything for them. All my women know this. They know if they call me at 3 am for help it better be some dire fucking circumstances, because I'm not their bf.

I care about my women, of course, but since I'm not in a relationship I don't have to drop whatever I'm doing and go help them. That's the beauty of it; plus, since I don't HAVE to help them, they appreciate it a lot more when I do.

"your women"?....jesus

I would have thourght helping each other out was a thing regardless of weather or not your in a relationship with somone ,as in [i/]"Somone stole my car, its 1am I'm in a seedy part of town and I think that man with the crazy eyes is marking me as his prey" [/i]

to specifically point it out seems...odd