I feel like I have quite a valid opinion on this topic as I'm going through a Separation with an inevitable Divorce at the end.
I met my wife in high school. Before you even say "well that's your problem, high school relationships never work out!" Let me tell you this.
1. Before I even asked her to marry me, we were together for six years. During four of those years, we maintained a long distance relationship. Only a couple months after we started dating, I got the news that my family was moving roughly 200 miles away. Two of the four years that distance went up to 500 miles because we both went to different universities.
2. For one year she actually lived with me and my family due to horrible family issues on her side. I was at my university for some of this time, but in the end, I ended up seeing her everyday, sometimes even 24 hours at a time constantly, for easily 10+ months (total amount over a period of time). Not once did I ever get sick of that. Easily the best time when we were dating.
3. She actually ended up attending my university for the remainder of those six years before we got married.
I will admit, the first mistake we made was getting married while we both were still attending university, but we were young and thought everything would be fine. And it actually was for awhile. I ended up losing my job about a year later due to economic cutbacks. This was the start of everything going downhill. About three weeks later, my wife tells me that she doesn't love me anymore and leaves. Her excuse? "I want to live life, have fun, and see other people." She also claimed that six months after we were married she began feeling this way and decided NOT to tell me that she was having these feelings until six months later, the day she leaves (communication is key, kids).
So she left. You can imagine how I probably was. Complete and utter shock. I loved this woman deeply. I was always faithful and loyal to her and never once stopped loving her. I was literally dumbstruck. I pleaded with her for us to try and fix it, for us to go get counseling, for us to try just anything. She refused. I never once had any inclination that we were having those problems to begin with. Don't get me wrong, we fought like any other couple did and I know that I was never perfect, but she never made any hints that she was feeling a different way towards me. Did I mention that she left me three days before my birthday?
I soon find out that only three weeks after she left, she meets, dates, sleeps with, and moves in with another guy. In only three weeks. I do have prove that she met him during this time and they did not know each other beforehand (she never did change the password to her email account).
I live in South Carolina and the interesting thing about SC law is that a couple must be separated for at least one year before a divorce can be filed (unless there was infidelity or abuse). As of right now, it has been ten months since she has left and I still have two months to go before I am forced into a divorce I never wanted. I was never given the opportunity to try and fix my marriage and am basically being dragged along and forced to give in to what she wants. To this day, I'm still not even really sure why she even left... or even why she married me in the first place.
But here's the kicker. I still love her. Deeply. I have even told her several times over the past ten months that I'm still willing to try and work things out even though it's rejected every time. You think I'm crazy and foolish right? I'm not, why? Because when I asked her to marry me I knew and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. That I would never leave her and always remain faithful. Despite what she has done, I have still been faithful and loyal to her, even if she may not deserve it. I'm still her husband and pride myself in staying true to the vows I made to her. I never understood what the term "Unconditional Love" meant until this happened to me. If she called me up right now and told me that she wanted to try and make our marriage work, I would say yes. More than likely, however, that will not happen and I will be getting a divorce.
Ugh, I hoped I wouldn't get emotional when writing this out, but what can I say, I'm an emotional guy.
Wow, that's quite the wall of text.
So what's the point of all this?
The point is that I loved that one year of my marriage and while things won't probably work out, this horrible event will not change the way I view marriages. I will hopefully remarry again, that is if I find another great girl to marry. Simply put, that one year of marriage was the single most enjoyable year of my life. Don't let the horror stories dampen your view of it. Marriage is truly wonderful. Just make sure you have the right person to be married to. I thought I did, and I still want it to be that person, but some dreams just don't come true.
1. Before I even asked her to marry me, we were together for six years. During four of those years, we maintained a long distance relationship. Only a couple months after we started dating, I got the news that my family was moving roughly 200 miles away. Two of the four years that distance went up to 500 miles because we both went to different universities.
2. For one year she actually lived with me and my family due to horrible family issues on her side. I was at my university for some of this time, but in the end, I ended up seeing her everyday, sometimes even 24 hours at a time constantly, for easily 10+ months (total amount over a period of time). Not once did I ever get sick of that. Easily the best time when we were dating.
3. She actually ended up attending my university for the remainder of those six years before we got married.
I will admit, the first mistake we made was getting married while we both were still attending university, but we were young and thought everything would be fine. And it actually was for awhile. I ended up losing my job about a year later due to economic cutbacks. This was the start of everything going downhill. About three weeks later, my wife tells me that she doesn't love me anymore and leaves. Her excuse? "I want to live life, have fun, and see other people." She also claimed that six months after we were married she began feeling this way and decided NOT to tell me that she was having these feelings until six months later, the day she leaves (communication is key, kids).
So she left. You can imagine how I probably was. Complete and utter shock. I loved this woman deeply. I was always faithful and loyal to her and never once stopped loving her. I was literally dumbstruck. I pleaded with her for us to try and fix it, for us to go get counseling, for us to try just anything. She refused. I never once had any inclination that we were having those problems to begin with. Don't get me wrong, we fought like any other couple did and I know that I was never perfect, but she never made any hints that she was feeling a different way towards me. Did I mention that she left me three days before my birthday?
I soon find out that only three weeks after she left, she meets, dates, sleeps with, and moves in with another guy. In only three weeks. I do have prove that she met him during this time and they did not know each other beforehand (she never did change the password to her email account).
I live in South Carolina and the interesting thing about SC law is that a couple must be separated for at least one year before a divorce can be filed (unless there was infidelity or abuse). As of right now, it has been ten months since she has left and I still have two months to go before I am forced into a divorce I never wanted. I was never given the opportunity to try and fix my marriage and am basically being dragged along and forced to give in to what she wants. To this day, I'm still not even really sure why she even left... or even why she married me in the first place.
But here's the kicker. I still love her. Deeply. I have even told her several times over the past ten months that I'm still willing to try and work things out even though it's rejected every time. You think I'm crazy and foolish right? I'm not, why? Because when I asked her to marry me I knew and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. That I would never leave her and always remain faithful. Despite what she has done, I have still been faithful and loyal to her, even if she may not deserve it. I'm still her husband and pride myself in staying true to the vows I made to her. I never understood what the term "Unconditional Love" meant until this happened to me. If she called me up right now and told me that she wanted to try and make our marriage work, I would say yes. More than likely, however, that will not happen and I will be getting a divorce.
Ugh, I hoped I wouldn't get emotional when writing this out, but what can I say, I'm an emotional guy.
Wow, that's quite the wall of text.
So what's the point of all this?
The point is that I loved that one year of my marriage and while things won't probably work out, this horrible event will not change the way I view marriages. I will hopefully remarry again, that is if I find another great girl to marry. Simply put, that one year of marriage was the single most enjoyable year of my life. Don't let the horror stories dampen your view of it. Marriage is truly wonderful. Just make sure you have the right person to be married to. I thought I did, and I still want it to be that person, but some dreams just don't come true.
